January 20, 2012

mother hen

i'm a worrier. i worry about just about everything, stressing myself out on a regular basis. favorite thing to worry about? my friends and family. i worry about the big things and the little things. my heart skips a beat when bad things happen in their lives. i hold my breath waiting for the "made it home safely" texts after fun weekends together. i desperately want to shield them from the mean and hurtful things that can be thrown in their directions. but i remember that they are amazing people who can hold their own whatever may happen. life may try to slap them around, but life's gonna get a throat punch in return..... well, for the majority of my friends. there are a few that i worry extra for. they take things a bit harder because it seems they are less prepared for the world. they constantly reject helpful information they requested. they put themselves in the same situation repeatedly because they don't want to learn. they world seems extra cruel to them for shits and giggles. but i never know if that cruelty is an exaggeration or misperception. it's hard to fathom that things can be that horrible all the time. i do my best to encourage and support, even though it feels pointless sometimes. that's what makes me who i am. i refuse to give up on them no matter how many times they run into the wall. i keep my hopes high that things will finally click; i keep my heart open to continually pick them up. i do get frustrated sometimes and keep shit to myself. my other option is to drop them like a bad cable provider, which i'm not yet willing to do. and now i worry that this day is just around the corner because sometimes enough has to be enough. i worry that i will lash out because we're all old enough to know better. i worry that i may slowly stop caring because caring is hurting me. i'm a worrier, but i don't know how else to be