February 19, 2011

all over the map

thurs i decided i wasn't going to let things get to me. exhausted from another late night and down about not reaching goal, i decided to say fuck it. i was running behind schedule, but i jumped in the shower and got dressed while scarfing breakfast anyway. put on my favorite lightly padded bra and star print panties (tmi? don't care). my fave sweater is in the laundry, so i pulled out a bright pink vneck instead. skinny jeans plus great cleavage? yea, i win. i probably should've worn heels for better strutting, but they're not good for "ah crap i'm late!" rushing. of course, i hopped in the car and then remembered i needed gas. 45 minutes late to the office in a not caring kind of mood. chest up, head high. despite a freakout, my workday went pretty well

then i had to run a million errands. i wanted to take care of everything because i wouldn't be in annapolis today. on the list: hallmark/five below, home depot, whole foods/safeway, *secret location*. i traded home depot for panera because i discovered that i had a free drink coupon expiring on sunday. so i popped over there for a chai and bagel. while waiting, i determined that i really wouldn't have enough time to figure out my vday swap gift. hallmark and five below now pushed to sunday, after lunch with my sister. jumped across the street to whole foods with crossed fingers that i'd come in on budget. (this is not my best budgetwise. stupid short month) i managed to find all but two items, but not the two i was expecting. meh, to the safeway! grabbed my two items. then remembered i'd forgotten to check for coupons. (i checked when i got home; nothing useful *whew*) it's now 7pm, and i have two hours to get the next bit done... i fly home, rush upstairs to put groceries away while heating my dinner, and run back out to the car. i was rather rude to neal since i was in a hurry (sorry!). i get to secret location around 8pm, thinking i'll only be 5min. wrongo! i fucking stood there for 20 min waiting for someone who never came. furious, i left. i had another thing i wanted to do, but i was too annoyed to care anymore so i went home. at least i had eaten dinner in the car. cause hungry michelles eat babies in fits of rage. got home and checked for the millionth time about doing my thing online. rules say you can't, but i wasn't in the mood to drive over there again at some ridiculous hour. i tried anyway, and it went through. all set for secret thing (jesse's vday gift). calmed, i went and chatted with neal for a bit cause

today was his uncle's funeral. he'she'd battled cancer off and on for a decade. it came back; it spread. doctor's gave him about three months. that was two weeks ago. there was some family drama a few years back, so we hadn't seen him and his wife since then. the drama had never really been resolved. so when neal found out that he was taken to the hospital friday (and later moved to hospice), he made it a point to go visit. they talked (as best they could with his uncle on a high dosage of pain meds), and neal felt better. not 100%, but better. sunday, he was gone. it's been a weird week emotionally. neither of us was heartbroken over the loss, but definitely felt something missing. last night was the wake. neal was a bit nervous cause he hadn't seen most of the family (especially not together) in ages. all went well. which of course meant that today had to be the awkward one. neal's family is my 2nd family so there was never a question in my mind of attending the service. as neal's buffer and faux sister, i was going to be there. catholic service, neal did the first reading. his uncle's grandkids did the eulogy. we were greeted by naval service members at the grave site. we both teared up/cried at various points for different reasons. when J read invictus, our favorite poem. on the drive to the grave site, discussing the service and neal's favorite aunt's funeral. when the servicemen folded and presented his flag to his wife. when LM, who swore she wouldn't even attend his funeral, kissed his casket goodbye. i know that i'm not really in mourning over his death, but those little moments still hit a chord. even though we'd planned to duck out quickly, we spent the next four hours at their home. catching up, eating tons and reminiscing over family photos. i truly enjoy spending time with neal's crazy family and sincerely hope to see them in the future (under less sad circumstances). there were a couple awkward moments, but we got through them. with plates of food and a bag full of rolls, we headed home

and the contradictory emotions continue. jesse finally arrived (that's what happens when you're boy works late shift and lives two hours away :p), and i'm a very happy camper. happy belated vday to me. catch y'all monday :)