October 22, 2010

i... might?

so i started writing this post back in january, but never really finished my thoughts... i guess... cause i never posted it. now that we're approaching the end of october, my opinions have flipped in the other direction. at some point last year, i developed a fear of commitment. the hypothetical of getting married seemed great, but the sharing of a life was daunting. i have come to terms (mostly) with the great disaster of 2009, which really brought on the "oh my god i may have to put up with this for the next 50 years" thoughts. i am not someone who backs down from or quits a challenge so i really have no intention of getting divorced. i'll kill him before i see a lawyer about getting what's mine after the dust is settled. i may or may not be kidding about that... this little blog started on the heels of the breakup (*squee* next week is my blogaversary) so naturally, i was in that same headspace when i started seeing someone new. over the course of the last 10 months, i've regained myself. i am an individual, but i am part of an us. i love this us, and the future fears that cropped up have been squashed. i know it's only been 10ish months (two of which we haven't been in the same state for). i know he's not really in the boat with me yet. and i know he's going to read this later and make that face. but i don't really care. if he asked me tomorrow, my answer would be yes. because he makes my soul happy


magnolia said...

i know the feeling. it's amazing, isn't it?

michelle said...

it really really is :)

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