December 23, 2009

i think i like you

so i've been emailing back and forth with a guy on okcupid for a couple weeks... and i think i like him. i'm not quite sure what to do with the situation though

he makes me giggle consistently, he's cute and he's not overwhelmed by my bitchybitchin' personality. i would totally make out with him lol. plus i get giddy when i see i have a new email.... i think that equals a crush :p

the downers... because there are always downers... a) he's a smoker. i have a mild allergy to cigarette smoke so i'm always wary around anyone who smokes. plus smokers taste odd, like they've gone stale. i once hooked up with a smoker and kissing him bordered on revolting. i equate it to licking an ashtray that hasn't been cleaned in days. b) he lives two hours away, and i hate long distance relationships. i'm such a bad long distance person that i'm not even sure i would want a casual fling with him. and c) i'm concerned that he's mildly depressed. while i like broken toys, i'm not sure i can handle the situation. i have an innate drive to help in anyway i can, but my need to "fix" things can impede my ability to maintain a relationship with the person. i find it difficult to separate the person from the case, so i start to avoid the case, which drives me a little crazy

the other thing is... i'm not sure if he has a girlfriend. i thought he did so it was easy to keep my heart from going all aflutter. but after the last couple emails, i'm really not sure. which means, now i can flirt shamelessly and start constructing what if scenarios. not good for my delicate dating psyche... i have no idea how to really broach the subject either. i don't want to imply anything and, potentially, freak him out or build his hopes up. i don't want to wind up accusing him of something that was all in my head. and i don't want to misinterpret something because i think we could be friends, if nothing more... ah i'm already starting to overthink the situation. this is officially a crush

save me?


rini said...

Oh sweetie, I've been there too.

I know your intentions are good, but wanting to fix someone is really on them. They're the ones who need to make the change. You can support them and inspire them, but trying to fix them is just going to take a lot out of you.

Anyway. BOYS. Have fun with your crush. I don't do well with distance. The Prince is on the south side of the city and OMG IT'S ANOTHER COUNTRY! (okay, it's not, but it's far. especially since I don't have a car.)

Unless you plan on meeting in person, just treat it as friends for now. Still flirt, but remember to keep the pink fluffy brain goo in check -- it can be a bastard.

michelle said...

rini - you're right about the fixing people. sometimes it's hard to shut off though. luckily, my friends are able to get the professional help they need when they need it (and don't get defensive when i suggest that it's reached that point). ive only been in one situation where i got overwhelmed, and that relationship ended... haha pink fluffy brain goo. i think only half my brain is mush right now. fingers crossed i can keep it that way :)

Ebony Jewel said...

I'm a "fixer" too - I always think that I can make things better, but I've found out that it doesn't always turn out for the best. I usually wind up broken & pissed. BUT! Have fun with him, hopefully this will turn into something great! :)

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