things i don't say

there are things rolling around in my brain that i don't/can't talk about. they're too personal, and i'm just not ready to deal with them...

- it's been 20 months. i barely mention it, even though i think about it at least once a week. InSlut still doesn't even know the full story

- it's S day, but i haven't heard a peep. i don't want to ask the question because i'm terrified of the answer

- A left on sunday, and i've only told two people where he went. one of those people i got in a fight with over it. we haven't really spoken since. not that i care; we weren't close to begin with

...this is why i have my paper journal. except i never write in it. when things are good, i want to share with everyone. i have no need to write it down for just me. when things are bad, i forget it's there. i know i need to write it to sort it out and stop turning it over inside my head. i'm just become so consumed by it. i really ought to remember... before my brain does this