Desultory Diversions

wine & love11

2012-01-26T13:10:00.000-05:00

let's pretend that i'm not a horribly inconsistent blogger these days. hooray for nora's weekly meme!

reasons my glass is double:

- my ravens lost to the damn patriots, and now our defensive coordinator is leaving to be indy's new head coach. both of these events are crushing my soul

- this woman i'm assisting is working all my damn nerves. she keeps compromising a file we're both working on so i have to fix it every time i open it. HUGE waste of time. three rants in the last 24 hours, and i'm still stabby

- my internship fell through for the semester. i either need to convince someone to bring me on at the last possible minute (class starts tonight) or drop practicum. under plan b, i'll be a semester behind for my graduation requirements

- got a call today that i might owe another $250 to the body shop for brutus' repairs. they're willing to work something out with me, but that's still aggravating. hoping my agent can get that shit sorted right quick

- i'm getting nervous that bossman won't approve my expenses from my work travel. company owes me money on top of my overtime pay, which i didn't calculate entirely until after my travel request was approved. i'm pretty sure cost would've been about the same if i'd flown and rented a car. still worried that the vp will throw a hissy about his budget so my boss will have to reject the report

reasons i'm loving this week:

- finally getting a software issue resolved so i could finish my online trainings. 100% complete way ahead of corporate's schedule. so i can put this potential work situation out of my head until april

- classes start today. i didn't feel much towards this semester until today when i packed my backpack. now i'm kinda excited to get rolling (despite the internship anxiety)

- finished my 4th book this week and got further into the marriage plot. i'm still back and forth in my opinion, but i'm looking to our book discussion sunday already. i've missed reading for fun so very very much

- last of my parts were installed this week. yay running boards! this weekend i'm getting everything cleaned out of the bitch so i can drop her off at my parents'. i also need to make a list of all the fixing up she needs. i'd like to give her to my brother as close to perfect as possible

- it's tax season! i'm still waiting on my W2, but i started popping in some stuff anyway. i love doing my taxes; yea, i'm a nerd. this may be the first year i do itemized deductions so there will be lots of playing with numbers :)

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

mother hen

2012-01-20T00:17:00.000-05:00

i'm a worrier. i worry about just about everything, stressing myself out on a regular basis. favorite thing to worry about? my friends and family. i worry about the big things and the little things. my heart skips a beat when bad things happen in their lives. i hold my breath waiting for the "made it home safely" texts after fun weekends together. i desperately want to shield them from the mean and hurtful things that can be thrown in their directions. but i remember that they are amazing people who can hold their own whatever may happen. life may try to slap them around, but life's gonna get a throat punch in return..... well, for the majority of my friends. there are a few that i worry extra for. they take things a bit harder because it seems they are less prepared for the world. they constantly reject helpful information they requested. they put themselves in the same situation repeatedly because they don't want to learn. they world seems extra cruel to them for shits and giggles. but i never know if that cruelty is an exaggeration or misperception. it's hard to fathom that things can be that horrible all the time. i do my best to encourage and support, even though it feels pointless sometimes. that's what makes me who i am. i refuse to give up on them no matter how many times they run into the wall. i keep my hopes high that things will finally click; i keep my heart open to continually pick them up. i do get frustrated sometimes and keep shit to myself. my other option is to drop them like a bad cable provider, which i'm not yet willing to do. and now i worry that this day is just around the corner because sometimes enough has to be enough. i worry that i will lash out because we're all old enough to know better. i worry that i may slowly stop caring because caring is hurting me. i'm a worrier, but i don't know how else to be

bisc 2012

2012-01-16T13:26:00.001-05:00

i'm trying not to bounce off the walls since i'm in the office, but i'm SO EXCITED! i registered for my first bloggers in sin city today. 2012 is my year of travel (and dinner parties/game nights... it's a big year). i kicked off the new year with work trips (boo), but i'll end the year with weddings (woot!). in between all of that? BISC. i've been wanting to go since the first time i read about it on katelin and rachael's blogs. happy hours, pool lounging, cheese plates, shows! who doesn't love an insane good time?

this year includes a cirque performance, which solidified my decision. i was originally going to go if i saved up enough to afford it sans credit cards. fuck that! CIRQUE DU SOLEIL! so instead, i snagged one of this year's 60 spots a few minutes after registration opened. i'm going to find a way to make it all work (hey there, tax refund), including stalking flight deals like it's my job

the other awesome thing is there's a chance i could attend for free. a new app which provides wallpaper for iphones, paper'd, is cosponsoring the event. i may not have (or want) an iphone, but i do like free things. you should go check them out; i'd be all over the app if i didn't have a blackberry. maybe if enough of us beg, they'll build an app for us ;) entering the giveaway is pretty easy; i just did with this silly squee-controlled post. maybe you can snag one of those last bisc spots and enter the registration giveaway, too (former is highly encouraged; latter is just a joke. don't enter :))

meet brutus

2012-01-15T17:22:00.002-05:00

in case you haven't heard, i have exciting news :)

I BOUGHT A CAR (well, suv :p)

and then four hours later, i had an accident. no one was injured; both cars were banged up pretty good

after a couple weeks at the shop, he's looking all shiny and new again. it took so long because of the holiday and an issue with ordering some parts. buuut he was ready when i got back from a work trip so all is well

he wasn't my first choice because i wanted the hybrid model. unfortunately, hybrids are in secret production it seems. some people have been able to get them, but little old me can't :p so i went with the non-hybrid highlander. of course non-hybrid is cheaper so my bank account is happy. (not thinking about my loan drama right now) he has the tech package so i have bluetooth, satellite radio and a back up camera. i'm having running boards added on, too. they came in last week so i need to schedule my service visit soon :) besides the tech package, my favorite feature is the V6 engine. brutus tops out at 140mph, and i may or may not have gotten him up to 100 on the highway the other day... i'm not a fan of the mpg, but i'm trying not to let that bother me. it's always going to be an adjustment going from a midsized sedan to a midsized suv *sigh*

overall, i'm very happy with my first big girl purchase. plus my sales guy was fantastic (chris w at fitz annapolis) and made everything so easy. now i just need my tags so we can be officially official :)

winter love

2012-01-05T23:19:00.000-05:00

i left work today all bundled up because winter finally came to maryland. our front desk receptionist walked out ahead of me

"back into the cold" "yeaaaaa" "and i hate the cold"

people say stuff like this all the time. we complain year round about the weather wherever we are, constantly wishing it were better. well, i'll have you know that i am quite content at the moment. i thought about it almost the entire drive home. i really do love winter and early spring; here are some of the reasons why...

scarves and fleece everythings || cozying by the fire || my super cute peacoat that matches my wellies || the holidays and random family traditions || being able to bake for hours without melting in the kitchen || eggnog, candy canes and way too many cookies || snuggling under blankets || soup and sammiches || snow and college hoodies || early sunsets || the superbowl || trees encased in ice || parents dressing their kids like randy || warm chai in my big mug to warm my hands || our anniversary || first blossoms of the season || victoria's secret spring collection || counting down to my birthday || light sweaters and jackets || rolling out my favorite heels || spring cleaning and donating so much stuff || getting my easter basket from mom || spring weddings || butterflies and bees || stanley cup playoffs

there are things i don't like, and there are things i adore about the warm months. however, december to april will probably always top my list :)

right through my walls

2012-01-05T16:39:00.000-05:00

you put your arms around me, and i'm home

ps thanks for sticking around, folks. my blogging mojo seems to be on an extended vacation. one of these days, i hope it comes back for real

holiday haul

2011-12-26T17:37:00.002-05:00

so much goodness this year :)

start off with my winter swap package from annie in ireland. technically, it wasn't a christmas gift, but it arrived on christmas eve. so it was the first thing i opened on christmas morning. so perfect!

snowflake ornament & hurling stick keychain (in her county colors)

claddagh ring, real cadbury chocolates and a knitted garland

i seriously love this package. annie made the garland, which is the. sweetest! and it looks perfect on my mini tree. european cadbury is a million times better than american so i'll be gorging myself on more sweets this week. for all my fascination with ireland and handful of friends of irish descent, you'd think i'd know something about claddagh rings. i don't! so it's fabulous that annie included information about its history. the ornament looks fragile so it's not on the tree; i'm saving it for when we have a full sized one :) i'm going to google hurling. annie's county is the best, and i'm intrigued to find out what it's all about

thanks so much, annie!!!

the rest of christmas was pretty awesome, too :D

for neal, i got portal 2, an apple slicer and an antique edition of tennyson poetry. for jesse, we (my family) got him the limited edition zelda 3DS. for me, two very happy boys ;) and...

limited edition disney princess ornaments
professor layton and the unwound future

professor layton and the last specter
visa gift card
subscription to food network mag
tetris axis
rufus wainwright rufus wainwright
rufus wainwright poses
ravens gnome
tons of bath & body works:
- shower puffy
- shimmer body butter (be enchanted)
- slippers
- shimmer mist (be enchanted)
- mini nail files
- large candle (cranberry woods)
- make up bags w mini postbac
- shower gel & body lotion (be enchanted)
- basket of hand cream (twilight woods, japanese cherry blossom and dark kiss)
- aromatherapy: sleep body lotion (night time tea)
air fresheners (for when the new car smell eventually wears off... details on that coming)
if you give a dog a donut, laura numeroff
a colbert christmas: the greatest gift of all!
to sir, with love
simply irresistible
the birds
hello, dolly!
the witches
the closer (season 3)
harry potter DVD box set
AZ special soap & mesquite honey
bracelet & framed ray lewis photo

i loved everything i got :) my favorite gifts are the HP boxed set, gnome and slippers

they're super comfy and warm :)

i hope all of your holidays were fabulous. on to new years!

we heart mondays 12

2011-12-19T10:53:00.000-05:00

semester is over. cookies have been exchanged. gifts have been mailed. my sister has graduated. all that's left are sending my cards and watching ALL THE MOVIES

oh and this week of work :p

because i love love actually (via)

choices

2011-12-07T16:08:00.000-05:00

i have a tummyache... because i am five and whiny and stressed out and wanting my mom to just make it better and close to tears and STRESSED THE FUCK OUT... and i've had it since saturday. not like round the clock, but for a few hours at various points each day, it just aches

i chose to call my mom. she didn't answer. so i had an afternoon snack. my usual "oh my god someone call intervention because i can't stop spooning peanut butter in my face!" snack. i didn't want it. i called my mom again because i knew, right then, i was having a moment. she tried to talk me down, tell me to breath, reinforce how well i'm doing, encourage me, etc. in a 10 minute conversation. she has a job, too. people there need her or some shit. she asked if we needed to meet though. i declined. i think i mostly need a nap

wrong. i need a moment to have my moment. that nap is not a nap. it's the end of the stress spiral in which i am incapacitated by ALL THE THINGS. i am choosing not to let that happen. i know that i will be practically catatonic for the next few days should i choose otherwise. i do not have time for that, and it would only bring me back to the beginning of the spiral

instead, i have chosen to take this afternoon off. i am packing my books back up so they can't taunt me. i am clearing my desk of the work tasks i can do tomorrow. i'm not procrastinating to avoid; i'm taking a mental break from this insanity i created. i confirmed my missing grades so i know i have As in both classes. i am choosing to relax knowing it will be ok

i chose to skim blog posts from november. i am now choosing to mark the rest as read. i am choosing to ignore the last two days worth of tweets. i have an hour left at the office, and i am going to spend it doing puzzles online... this all sounds like procrastination. however, the difference is that i have actively decided to give myself a break rather than hiding in the internets from the big bad to do list i created. i need to reclaim my mental space before hormones and stress and whatever else lurks in my system pull me into the darkness

my tummy feels better now...

we heart mondays 11

2011-12-05T15:26:00.000-05:00

the good news: i am on my way to getting my new 4 wheeled baby, a 2012 highlander hybrid. closed out my smartypig goal today :D

the bad news: 1) i was denied the full amount of the loan i wanted. i've never been given an amount of that size (no shit. this is my first adult purchase, people), and my credit union thinks i have too much debt (fucking student loans, which aren't even due yet). so the loan officer offered to give me less than half of what i originally asked for. technically, my ask was 10k over what i really need, but they weren't willing to meet me in the middle *sigh* 2) i want the standard model, which is only built in japan. japan still hasn't fully recovered from the earthquake so highlander hybrids are only available for special order. this means i won't be behind the wheel of a sweet new suv for six to nine MONTHS 3) the back and forth of this shiz is making my head spin and my tummy ache. doesn't help that i'm pmsing so nearly everything is THE END OF THE WORLD

i decided i don't care how long it takes to build and ship. i want my hybrid. i'm going to talk to my guy on thursday about deposits, estimated totals and my actual order. since i only have to put down a deposit, i have six to nine months to clear some debt (i'm looking at you credit cards) and research other financing. i'm not letting anything deter me from what i want

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package fun

2011-12-04T09:29:00.000-05:00

so i'm an asshole. i participated in carissa's awesome fall package swap and NEVER POSTED ABOUT IT. kimberly was my partner who sent me the cutest box of goodies. gloves, votives and pumpkin bread mix. she threw in fantastic, decorative cloth leaves that i'm holding on to also. i haven't used the mix, but it's never the wrong time for pumpkin goodies :) perhaps i'll make bread for xmas brunch [sidebar: SO excited we're not traveling this year]

sorry, kimberly, for being an ungrateful jackass. my only excuse was stress about school overshadowed everything in october *hangs head in shame* glad that you liked your box

carissa is holding another swap since the 1st went so well. my partner, annie, is in ireland. i almost died when i got carissa's email since i'm kind of in love with ireland and all things irish. i'm going to work on my package to send today, but i have to admit that i'm moreso looking forward to what annie might send :)

and speaking of packages, i'm so excited that a bunch of christmas gifts came in last week. i'm looking forward to boxing things up to send out to my favorite peeps. i also need to get cracking on my holiday cards... so much to do, and the new year is fast approaching!

time for change

2011-11-30T09:05:00.001-05:00

i have things i want to say, and i continually don't say them. i have nothing to say, and i stare at this little box looking for something. lack of motivation. lack of time. lack of interest. forgetfulness. getting overwhelmed... the semester is speeding up and winding down at the same time. five assignments (including finals) and two weeks left. i'm disappointed in the quality of one class; i'm kind of sad my other class is ending. which is which surprises me given my feelings going into this semester

i have this massive to do list. it includes work, school and misc personal stuff i want/need to accomplish in the next few weeks. it's freaking me out, but going into each day with no plan freaks me out more. i hate getting to this point in the semester. i let things overwhelm me and pile up. then the pile up overwhelms me further, and i shut down. i've been shut down since october :( i planned out my november so that i could get back on course. i squandered all my waking hours playing online games. i wanted to read a book over the holiday weekend. i got as far as opening it on my kindle. i managed to complete two of three class assignments yesterday. only the two that were due yesterday. i now have four chapters to read for one class. the four i wanted to have read two weeks ago so that i could start focusing on final prep

i always have a game plan. i just suck at follow through. i am incredibly organized, and i let all my effort go to waste. i need to knock it off

this is my "i'm disappointed in you" speech to self. i cannot keep beating myself up for slacking. too much is at stake, and this berating just becomes more wasted time. i say, "i will start doing better today" every single day. today it needs to be true. as soon as i post this, i'm going to jump on a personal thing from my list while i eat breakfast. i worked from home yesterday so i'm going to check my email before i pack up my laptop. when i get to the office, i'm going to read the two chapters i should've had read for the last two weeks. if i finish before five, i'll try to get caught up on a few blogs. when i get home, i'll work on clearing out the tivo

this is my plan to get my shit together. it's time to start executing

we heart mondays 10

2011-11-21T17:02:00.001-05:00

exhausted. overwhelmed. irritated. shocked. confused... feeling so many things that make me want to just crawl back into bed. time for a short break from it all

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wine & love10

2011-11-17T23:32:00.000-05:00

how about a late day wine and love? good? good :) thanks, nora!

reasons my glass is double:

- the obvious

- a fight stemming from a miscommunication that lasted way longer than necessary because of miscommunications

- a constantly changing syllabus means i have no real idea when shit is due or even if certain things are still required

- my work project might get pulled because it may be pointless. i'm annoyed by so many things involving this even though i despise the project

- business partners who don't show up for regularly scheduled meetings with no explanation

reasons i'm loving this week:

- resolving the never ending fight and more reinforcement that my girls will always be there for me

- having a 98% in my other class. the class i was more concerned about screwing up when this semester began :)

- creating wedding inspiration boards to help JP.. and to feed my addiction for weddingy things

- two successful weeks of working out and cooking at home. neal and i skipped last friday morning's workout because we were both exhausted, but the plan is working out quite nicely

- dinner date with neal tomorrow since he has gift cards to use. i see some martini flights and creme brulee in my face

- motown station on pandora. it's keeping me calm as i deal with work aggravations, and it's helping me make my wedding playlist ;)

- one week until turkey day and my favorite people watching event. i'm having dinner with neal's family. we're all cooking things so it's gonna be crazy. plus the ravens plan the niners (harbaugh v harbaugh!) for TNF. plus i'm "shopping" with two of my favorites. there will be obnoxious amounts of food, many discussions, hard hits, venti starbucks, mcdonald's hashbrowns and much cursing over the course of two days. it's gonna be AWESOME

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

we heart mondays 9

2011-11-14T11:50:00.001-05:00

i've been in hiding somewhat since my last post. not tweeting. not reading blogs. not texting. i'm just so consumed by this sandusky thing. he's still claiming innocence while more and more is being dug up about him. a couple more kids have come forward and allegations have been made regarding one of his adopted sons. my skin crawls and my stomach turns every time i read something else, but i won't stop reading. i have this disgusting need to know all the horrific details because i want to know what kind of evil lives in the world. children are, unfortunately, abused and neglected every day. i would rather be hyper vigilant about these horrors than miss an opportunity to save a life. i have my child and adolescent psych class tomorrow. i have an inkling that the sandusky case will be brought up...

moving on. i definitely need this mental break from all the shit. then i need to tackle the pile of homework i've been neglecting (oops)

today is all about motown on pandora (via)

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infuriating things

2011-11-10T12:50:00.000-05:00

i started a post a few weeks ago when i was freaking out about a huge research paper i had due. the paper got done. i only got three hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, and i missed the entire lecture portion of my group therapy class. but that paper was completed on time. class was cancelled due to an emergency so i left campus livid. i'm still kind of pissed that we weren't given an extra week even though it was pretty clear he wouldn't be reading our papers until he collected the hard copies. whatever. i better get an A on that bitch. i often joke that my master's should be in procrastination. i gave myself an entire two weeks for that paper; i wasted all of that time. afterwards, i gave myself a day to recoup mentally. i have yet to finish a single reading from the last week. i know better than this; yet i keep putting myself in this situation. i tell myself the bullshit stops now. i tell myself i'm going to start my day a certain way. i tell myself... all sorts of other lies. because the internet is always waiting, pulling, asking me to play. i'm catching up on blog posts from october. i'm keeping (or trying to keep) my tumblr unreads under 100. i'm trying to keep up with twitter friends because i'm worried about them. ugh and i started this semester so strongly...

today, however, i am too angry with the internet to spend all my time sifting through it. i am angry with the offline people i care most about. i am angry that our world is so fucked up and people are too self absorbed to see things for what they are. i am questioning the people around me. i am questioning myself, but i know what i would have done as a person, as a future mental health professional, as a future parent. conrad murray. herman cain. jerry sandusky. these stories hurt my soul

i didn't follow the murray trial; i have half an unpopular opinion. he absolutely did the wrong thing in prescribing/administering medication to jackson who needed psychological care more than anything. vilifying him is not going to do much of anything in the grand scheme of proper healthy care. to me, this is another high profile case designed to appease the unruly masses... herman cain is a sketchy bastard who i truly believe sexually harassed those women. that being said, i think sharon bialek is suspicious. her allegations are not about sexual harassment; if true, she was sexually assaulted, a criminal act. if she's only seeking an apology or putting a name/face to the allegations now, why did she hire gloria alred? if she's pressing charges, the statute of limitations for the assault has run out (which is fucked up in its own right). the other women reported the incidents when they happened and steps were taken to shoo them away. bialek said nothing and her claims are far worse than harassment. she doesn't come across as the type to keep her mouth shut for this long. i don't care about her financial or marital situation, but there is something about her i simply don't trust

i cannot fully express to you the anger i have towards jerry sandusky and penn state. i didn't pay attention to the original reports. in the twitter jumble, i saw that someone witnessed sandusky with a kid/player on campus. i honestly thought this was about sandusky having a relationship with a college student. whatever, it happens. then i heard "jerry sandusky - child molestation" on the news. i freaked out on two levels. one because i thought they were talking about gerry sandusky, one of our local news anchors. two: MOLESTATION!?? finally getting all the pieces straight, i realized this was about a different dude, minors and years of lies. i hope he spends the rest of his miserable life in prison. i was glad to hear that schultz and curley were arrested for not reporting the allegations to any police authority. i was also glad to hear paterno and spanier were fired. i think mcqueary should be next on the chopping block at penn state, and spanier should also be arrested for failing to report. not a single one of these men went to police about the rape of a 10 year old boy. paterno and mcqueary may have done the right thing notifying superiors, but they didn't do enough

PA state law requires that such allegations be reported to the police within 48 hours. even if paterno and mcqueary didn't know the 48 hour requirement, they had to have known something was up when no one from the university or county/state police department contacted either of them to follow up. mcqueary was an eye witness. he most certainly should have expected a call from the proper authorities. yet they let this all go for almost a decade. while neither of them committed a crime in the eyes of the law, neither of them did enough to really protect the children who crossed sandusky's path. sandusky was a foster parent and ran a special program for at risk youth. he was constantly around children and adolescents. there was a pattern of behavior that many found bizarre and uncomfortable; the majority of people said nothing. he'd been under investigation in 1998 because of inappropriate contact. but when you actually see a rape in front of you? you don't do everything in your power to ensure that it doesn't happen again? are you fucking serious? you'd rather sacrifice that child and other children for your precious fucking football program?! paterno doesn't deserve the dignity of finishing his career and resigning. mcqueary doesn't deserve the right to continue business as usual either. they brought this shame on themselves, and they should live with that every fucking day

we heart mondays 8

2011-11-07T14:05:00.000-05:00

today started out ok. after a fabulously close win over the steelers, i got some much needed sleep. 20 min workout with neal, quick fill up at the gas station and check deposited all before 9am. i love when DST ends; i'm back on my natural rhythm. i got to work feeling like this:

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i had a game plan for the day because i slacked this weekend and had a project to push out. unfortunately, all my tech does not think i'm so very awesome this monday. i spent a good amount of time fighting everything, but i was able to get my weheartit fix... i ate part of my lunch as a midmorning snack, the rest of my lunch was disappointing and i really really want sweets (thanks, uterus). so preemptive warning that this is a sugar laced post of pretty/fun

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project email has been sent so it's time for homework :p

wine & love9

2011-11-03T15:33:00.000-04:00

hosted by the ever fabulous nora!

reasons my glass is double:

- grad school papers and beating myself up for being the queen of procrastination

- canceled classes when i busted my ass for 21 hours trying to finish said paper

- still not having caught up from my lack of sleep from the last two weeks. resulting in my current fight to keep my eyes open

- changing plans because of other people

- worrying that everything i do will not be enough, and i'll lose everything i want in the end

reasons i'm loving this week:

- celebrating too many births in two few days. as busy as last week/weekend were, i LOVED celebrating. birthdays are super important to me

- sitting down and mapping out my class assignments for the rest of the semester. i am slightly relieved because i have a manageable plan for the coming weeks

- also having a new plan to keep my ass healthy with neal as my accountabilibuddy. there will be cooking and working out (and whining and naps and booze as muscle relaxant...). day one of snapping back was this morning. 20 minutes with chalene. doesn't help with the afternoon sleepies i am currently battling, but keeps me in my skinny bitch jeans. i just hope neal's alive when i get home; it was his first turbo experience

- gimme bar because i need another internet obsession. it's like pinterest, but more :) users can't invite people yet, but it only takes about 20 min to get a code if you request one

- upcoming baby shower! gift and card have been purchased; i just need to wrap everything. i can't wait to see SJ :D

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

we heart mondays 7

2011-10-31T11:31:00.001-04:00

ugh. still. struggling...

this will be me for the next few weeks (via)

not technically from weheartit, but i loved this carving (via)

happy halloween (via)

this may be the last week i do this. fucking work changed our network platform so some sites are now blocked. we heart it is sorta on their list. it freaks out every page view before letting me see pictures of seductive shoes, ocean views and cupcakes *eye roll*

*sigh* happy halloween, everyone. i hope your week is starting out better than mine

we heart mondays 6

2011-10-24T15:18:00.000-04:00

this is a hard ass monday. i'm exhausted. i'm overwhelmed. i'm making decisions i don't want to have to make. it's been a day, which is making it hard to see the silver lining, glimmer of hope, light at the end of the tunnel...

i am asking for help and support...

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to find my own grace and strength...

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to get through the next six weeks

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this week's FUFF fun questions are about music. a) do you listen to music when you work out? b) what gets you fired up? c) what's your guilty pleasure music? there's a 50/50 chance i'll listen to music when i get on the treadmill. what i choose depends on my mood when i get on, how long i plan to walk and the pace i want to set. i'll listen to system of a down, fiona apple, charlotte sometimes, britney spears, miley cyrus, xzibit, m.i.a., poe, limp bizkit... doesn't matter as long as the ipod keeps playing. my guilty pleasure? pussycat dolls and britney spears. i think they need to fire their writers if they want to be taken seriously as artists, but i love blasting them on long car rides

long post with many words coming soon...

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found a note

2011-10-19T17:50:00.002-04:00

sorry for any skipping tracks

we heart mondays 5

2011-10-17T15:22:00.000-04:00

random q from this week's FUFF: "would you rather have burgers for feet or sausages for fingers?" i started to think about this, but i had too many follow up questions. are we talking raw or cooked? would the meat ever go bad or is it magically decay resistant? how big are these burgers and sausages? in the end, i figured that i would devour my own limbs in either case so it didn't matter. mmm meaty goodness ;)

in honor of cannibalism and getting sucked into rebuild2, here's some zombie hearting...

(via)

...and added to my goodreads "to read" bookshelf (via)

(via)

not the smurfs! (via)

#nintendoenthused wii game night

2011-10-15T11:33:00.001-04:00

so a couple weeks ago, brand about town was looking for a few hosts in the DC area. i volunteered to participate not entirely knowing what i was getting myself into. a couple emails and a skype call, i was moderately prepared for a night with the new wii play motion :)

look it!

conveniently, i'd scheduled to have last friday off. (i was going to take neal to see adele in jersey, but tickets were sold out in seconds! mega boo). so i was home when my packages of awesome arrived at the apartment. i can't even tell you how surprised i was when the fedex man showed up at my door with two HUGE boxes in tow. it was like christmas at chez schoon and neal's. one box had all the party goodies; the other had the adorable party favors. i spent an hour oohing over everything and setting up (a whole day early cause i was that excited). BAT is no joke, people. i received all sorts of stuff for one fabulous sundae bar

check my mad skills. bam!

i had looked at a few of the games beforehand and was already looking forward to trying them. i was all about pose mii plus because i thought you had to actually pose lol. not quite. you basically have to turn the controller in different directions to maneuver your mii into position. briah and i played a few rounds, getting progressively better each time. and i still did a little posing. i just couldn't help myself ;)

there are 12 mini games, and we played them all. only took us four hours ;) none of us anticipated how difficult some of these games would be. skip skimmer was the least fun of the bunch until chris started getting special rocks with dolphins, music notes, frogs and more. treasure twirl, star shuttle and flutter fly only got one play through since chris kept kicking juli's ass. then she shot me in trigger twist hahahah. they're supposed to save the miis from alien invasion, ninjas and dinosaurs; she also forgot she and chris were on the same team and tried to block him. trigger twist was really fun (minus killing vegetarian dinosaurs - he was coming right for us!). any game in which you throw ninja stars at parachuting ninjas is a win in my book. the hard part is remembering enemies come from all directions. those jerk dinosaurs snuck up from behind and ate us (or bit very severely)

best games of the night were veggie guardin and cone zone. veggie guardin is basically whack a mole, except sometimes the moles wear masks and sometimes it's actually miis. the more moles you whack, the more gigantic and powerful your mallet can become. it was hard to control the mallets when more than two people played (sensor can get erratic), but that didn't overshadow the awesomeness. cone zone is a stacking/balance game (and the inspiration for the sundae party). briah and neal were able to get 28 scoops before bonking into each other. however, neal and chris got up to 40 and made quite a few balancing saves when they played together. it was hilarious to watch. swirl mode was also fun despite its one playerness. your cone is huge, and so are your mii's eyes as the cone fills hahah

the hardest game in the pack? spooky search. you have to hunt ghosts and put them in a containment box. it's very ghostbusters without the obnoxious, slimey pet ghost. too bad we couldn't get past the first round no matter how many times we played. there are ghosts you have to trap as a team, but they can (and do) break free. part of the problem was my controller. i'd try to lock on to the ghost with everyone, but i wouldn't show up on the screen until the ghost broke away. or i'd be the only one who couldn't lock onto it when it was "in the air". uber frustrating. i still had fun though wrestling with the spooks

i want to live in jump park! there are walls and floors made of bounce mats; you jump all over the map collecting jewels and awesome accessories, like wings. plus, in two player, you take turns directing the jump. it gets a little confusing when the jump space is short or you're moving crazy fast. i like to think that briah and i kicked ass at this and pose mii plus. we're a good team ;) ...teeter targets and wind runner fell in the middle of the pile on difficulty and fun. teeter targets is kinda brick breaker meets pinball; wind runner is mary poppins style mario kart :)

nintendo sent over an additional copy of the game and a controller to be given away. since half the guests bailed at the last minute, i decided to make it easy to win: classic rock paper scissor (best two out of three). it was juli versus briah, and juli won after a thrilling minute and a half :) the whole night was super fun, and i was exhausted when it was over. i only partially blame the cold stone ice cream sugar high. some ridiculously hilarious things were said through out the night, and i got some silly photos. i highly recommend this game (with or without the sundae smorgasbord :)) for anyone's game night. fun for all ages so go get it!

[my favorite photos from the party & photos from all the dc area parties]

my camera sucks, but my friends are awesome

wine & love8

2011-10-13T11:35:00.001-04:00

hosted by the ever fabulous nora! oh, what a week...

reasons my glass is double:

- several days of rain starting the same week i'm pmsing. i have so little energy; i'm staying awake by sheer force of (waning) will

- not accomplishing as much as i needed to over the weekend so i had to cram everything into two days. that resulted in only two hours of sleep one night, which doesn't help my already exhausted self

- got my contingency planning assignment*, which doesn't require extra training yet. in the job aid, it lists my restrictions as colorblind, unable to stand for long periods or bend and exceeding ladder weight restrictions (325 lbs!!!). not one of these things is true, and i don't know where the information came from. none of that is in my employee profile *scowl*

- this work project is driving me insane. i seriously hate managing people and fielding questions i can't answer. it doesn't help that this woman keeps asking me the same fucking question. i've told her what i know, and i'm dealing with people on the other side of the world. i can't get you an immediate different answer so STOP ASKING

- general impatience and annoyance with everything. mixed in with some bullshit causing justified annoyance

reasons i'm loving this week:

- i had a lot of fun while i wasn't getting any work done. dinner at brewers art was amazing. chuck's rugby match was fun even though i didn't have a clue what was going on. and the wii party was full of ridiculous awesome (post coming soon)

- i attended a few psych webinars. two were boring, but the eating disorder session was great. the presenter was fantastic, and i'm pulling her studies for my research paper :)

- 1st midterm and 2nd paper done. i think i did pretty well on the midterm, but i'm concerned about the paper after tuesday's discussion. it's mostly opinion based. however, my opinion was based on a misunderstood concept. we'll see in two weeks. gotta refocus on the next midterm, another paper and prepping for my group...

- midweek massages and margaritas (and tacos and queso and girl chats). much needed on all counts

- JP GOT ENGAGED! she's one of my best girls, and i'm so incredibly happy for her (and a wee jealous). so excited that i ordered her little pink box gift while we were on the phone. can i just say that i've had her and HB's gifts picked out for ages?! i knew these boys were right :)

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

*basically, the union role i would fill should they go on strike next spring. we go through this every two years since half the company is unionized. i have my qualms with unions, but i don't believe in scabbing

we heart mondays 4

2011-10-10T12:51:00.001-04:00

in honor of another one of my favorites getting engaged this weekend (SQUEE), here's a wedding filled we heart monday [should i make a badge? is anyone else doing this? is this a thing yet?]


(via \| originally flickr)

(via | originally etsy)

(via | originally flickr)

i love duckies (via)

no kids at my wedding, but how cute are these two? (via | originally mark denman photography)

this may happen :) (via | originally elizabeth anne designs)

(via | originally flickr)

(via | originally laffler photography)

(via | originally flickr)

i want everyone to be tuckered at the end of the day :) (via | originally adam sobolewski)

ok this was just adorable (via)

wine & love7

2011-10-06T19:08:00.000-04:00

another week to recap. thanks, nora!

reasons my glass is full:

- this whole week! ...ok, not the whole week, but a good chunk of it. i broke my favorite mug and have been struggling to glue it back together. pretty sure i broke my good karma at the same time

- general office annoyances because of fools who work in my building. small things, but still aggravating. throat punch #1

- 20SB email spam from members. yes, there is such a thing as too much promotion. throat punch #2

- too many distractions at the office means i'm behind on my homework for the week. need to get shit done, especially considering...

- dr. p canceled class tuesday night and assigned a group assessment in its place. we have to develop a treatment plan on two cases by monday, which is the day before our midterm. awesome, dude. just awesome

reasons i'm loving this week:

- went out to dinner with rae and claire (plus their british hubbies). i haven't seen rae and rich since claire and dom's wedding (THREE years ago!). it was really nice catching up. we ended up staying for trivia afterwards. totally awesome because we were tied for second to last, but ended up winning second place :)

- the super awesome 20SB team taking care of the spammer

- packages. got my ray lewis probowl jersey(!) and first part of a baby shower gift(!!)

- i had to request a couple articles and books from other universities for a paper i'm working on. everything has been coming in super fast, which i didn't expect

- this weekend is packed full of fun things. vacation day tomorrow and dinner with neal. hallmark ornament debut weekend starts saturday, but i have all my ornaments on hold already. going to my first rugby match (i hope) and hosting a wii game night on saturday :)

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

when i'm throwing punches in the air

2011-10-06T15:46:00.002-04:00

when i'm broken down, and i can't stand

we heart mondays 3

2011-10-03T13:31:00.000-04:00

from this week's fuff questions: where do you see yourself in five years? y'all know i have a plan for everything so i love this question :) after finally finishing my master's and getting licensed, i'll be counseling children and adolescents. i'll probably work with a group practice so i can build my client base. i will, fortunately, be able to set my own hours so i can continue to support mkn as well. the extra income will come in handy since i'll be married to jesse, paying a mortgage and prepping for our first born. i'll still be driven at 32 as i am now at 27 :) i can't wait for my happy little suburban life!

on to the cuteness...

hahah (via | originally annoying orange)

want! (via)

tea party, anyone? (via)

so cute (via)

tattoo lust (via)

seriously. tea party? ;) (via)

it's so tiny! (via)

i'm becoming obsessed with super high heels (via)

truth (via)

i love sappy stuff (via)

a small scale story

2011-10-01T12:35:00.001-04:00

so ages ago, jess asked about my scale. it's the eatsmart precision digital body fat scale, and i LOVE it. joyce reviewed it back in march, and it immediately got my attention. one of my few complaints about weight watchers is that they focus only on total body weight. so i could gain two pounds of muscle, but they would just see that i put on two pounds. i became obsessed with that overall number and fitting in to the bogus BMI limits. that's the main reason i quit ww. i love the program as a whole; i just hate the way they measure weight loss success. i needed something that measured those pieces that go into one's total body mass

so, a month after i canceled my membership, i bought my first scale. as an overweight kid who grew into an overweight adult, i HATED scales. i used to avoid eye contact with the little slider bars when i went to the doctor. oddly, the only doctor who ever expressed concern about my weight was my first pediatrician. i stopped seeing him shortly thereafter... buying my own scale was so terrifying at first because of my long standing fight with them. i spent two days looking at every single digital scale amazon sold to make absolutely sure that i wanted the eatsmart. (btw: sears sells them, too, but at full price). it was truly an exciting day when it arrived. i never would've thought that possible in my pre-ww days

this scale is fabulous and exactly what i wanted. i can track my percentage of water, fat and muscle. plus it takes a read on bone mass. they even give you the healthy guidelines for each reading in the instruction booklet. so i set up a spreadsheet to track every measurement. currently, i'm 132 pounds (the absolute top of my goal range), 27.7% fat (moderately high), 50.3% water and 36.7% muscle (both within range). i have 4.4 pounds of bone (also in range). i weigh in twice a week, and don't stress too much about the numbers like i used to do... well not stressing as much since i've lost five of the post-funeral eight i put on in august

did i mention it's pretty? (image via amazon)

why do i like this plastic and glass contraption? it has an auto on feature that recognizes me. if other people were using it, the scale would create individual profiles for each person. it uses it's memory of your last recorded weight to identify the user automatically. it's on and calculating the minute my feet hit the scale. it takes about a minute for it to get all the readings, and scrolls through the numbers a few times. i have plenty of time to jot the numbers down in my spreadsheet. then it turns itself off automatically, saving battery power. it's also easy to keep clean. even though i usually weigh in after showering, it can get a little dirty. lysol wipes and swiffer to the rescue :) the only issue is moving the scale. sometimes the slightest shift resets the calibration. i'd like to store it when not in use, but then i'd have to recalibrate every time. and i'm not that patient (it takes an extra minute, but i just don't wanna :p)

the lasts few months haven't always been pretty, but, at the end of the day, my scale is an awesome tool to help keep me focused on staying healthy

wine & love6

2011-09-29T11:49:00.000-04:00

i really should do this weekly. there are some really rough weeks, but there have also been some spectacular ones. thanks to nora for starting this so i can learn to appreciate the good things a bit more :)

reasons my glass is full:

- bartenders in training who don't know how to make mojitos. only the second time in my life i've sent something back. [i thought it was the first. i forgot about the order my server got completely wrong and tried to tell me was what i had said when it totally wasn't. some assholes DO need to write down orders, especially in large groups]

-being late to child & adolescent again. we start 15 minutes early because no one wants to be there til 1045pm, but i have a class that is supposed to end at 8pm. i would be late regardless, and i told dr. p that on the first day. yea well group therapy has gone over every week because none of us wants to shut it (i'm one of the worst offenders). this week, i missed 10 minutes and the entire discussion of ODD. i might email dr. p cause i really think this isn't fair to me

- my headphones are starting to die. they're just a little over a year old *sigh* i have my eyes on a new pair, but won't be getting them quite yet because of other purchases...

reasons i'm loving this week:

- happy hours with leslie and julia, despite the liquor problems. also getting frozen yogurt after delicious guacamole and cuban sandwiches

- wednesday nights in general. jesse and i skype every week (yes, it's on the schedule. schedules keep me sane :)). we don't always have a ton to say, but seeing his face always makes me happy

- getting homework done ahead of my schedule. i have whole days i can spend reading blogs and tweeting sans guilt. i feel way more on top of my game than i have since undergrad

- no more limits on pandora. i've been listening to SO much good music this week

- my ravens beating the titans, keeping us on top of the steelers. love my boys! i finally bought a ray lewis jersey (2011 probowl), which should be here next week. the other one i really really want has to wait a little bit longer. it'll make a nice christmas gift to self i think :D (even though they don't make women's authentic ray lewis jerseys)

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

we heart mondays 2

2011-09-26T11:06:00.000-04:00

so very very true (via)

bear day at the beach? :) (via)

<3 (via)

eh to paris. yes! to escape (via)

colorful :) (via)

truth (via)

never (via | originally flickr)

i love when images are pulled from tumblr. i have so much stuff that's easily reblogged :)

we heart mondays

2011-09-19T12:03:00.000-04:00

so the next challenge round (fire up for fall) starts today, but i'm bowing out of direct participation. i have only two goals for the fall: 1. ace this semester. 2. take care of myself. same old ongoing goals :) even more necessary since i gained another pound this week. must. get. ass. in gear! because of the challenges, i've kinda fallen in love with starting my mondays on we heart it. so i think i'm going to keep posting things that make me smile to cure my weekly case of the mondays. i also may occasionally respond to some of the challenge questions cause they're fun. for now, enjoy this week's "we heart mondays". couldn't we all use a little attitude adjustment?

i miss sid (via)

love love love alice in wonderland + want more tattoos (via)

(via | originally flickr)

(via)

like a shark, i have to keep moving forward (via)

i like to pretend (via)

so cute i want to bite their little heads off! (via)

everyone needs a snuggle (via)

getting it together

2011-09-16T12:14:00.000-04:00

this week has been driving me crazy. to start, i freaked out the other day about my finances. i'm still paying off my last minute trips to georgia, and i just got slapped with a $1500 estimate for car maintenance. the one item i absolutely need is the most expensive on the list, which i most certainly can't cover right now. although, the guy who wrote up the estimate put in the wrong quantities for a couple items so i had to recalculate. i think i might run by when my girl is working to get a proper one done. it's still gonna cost my first born, but at least i'll have all the right info

my first instinct was to take care of my car and not put money in my savings. this is when i really started to lose my shit. all of my savings goals are carefully calculated. i'm already not sure i'll meet my "quitting my job to be a full time intern for a semester" goal, but that's only one of five goals that i am actively working on. there are seven others on hold. i am a saving fiend! one of those current goals is for a new car at the end of the year. forsake the new baby for my old lady? um... um... no? but then i'll be giving the car back to my mom in double crappy condition. she also needs some major body work done. i usually treat my things very nicely, but i could never afford to have the damage fixed. and i refuse to let my mom pay for it. so i'd like to at least have her regular maintenance taken care of; i'll figure out the body work some other time. i know i can give the car back with the understanding that i would have her fixed up over time. i just dunno if i wanna do that. and mom still doesn't know what she wants to do with the car

so i started thinking about my budget options. looking at my debts and living expenses to see if there's anywhere i could squeeze some extra cash for car expenses. not unless i want to pay the absolutely minimum on my debts. uh no *sigh* i need an extra paycheck, but that just ain't happening. on the upside though, i realized i might be able to get my credit cards paid off sooner if i made a few small adjustments. double nice because i want to close one of the accounts after i get the car. i need the credit history for now, but i'm really not liking the issuing company. two days later, i'm feeling much more confident about the new plan to take care of business financially, staying within my current means

making better budget plans led to a new homework plan. i have a million pages of reading each week plus a video to process and workbook pages to complete. i constantly feel like i'm going in too many directions, and i haven't been able to keep up. this is week three, and i was still catching up on reading from week one. no bueno. so i sat down with my syllabus and planner to figure out what the fuck was going on. instead of focusing on catching up, i also looked at the next two weeks. basically, what needs to be done through the end of the month. instead of trying to read as much as possible during a certain block of time, i gave myself one assignment per day. narrowing my focus to avoid "i'm such a procrastinator" frustration. i walked into work wed with every intention of reading a chapter because i normally have nothing to do. instead i had my second panic of the week...

last week, my team informed me that they hadn't, as yet, found what we were looking for in this audit. really not good. i had a file on wed of what had been researched so far. i opened it and immediately ignored it. ugly spreadsheets make my head hurt. instead i putzed around online for a couple hours. wed is my short day so putting off work until 2pm was not my brightest idea. i spent the next two and a half hours trying to make sense of the file and freaking out. i was pretty sure my team was confused about a certain point. however, i was convinced i was also missing something important. not having an inkling of what it was, i couldn't formulate a question to pose to my POC. so i put it off until yesterday. i spent most of the day refreaking out over the file before i just gave up. i sent a note back to my team to clear up the confusion. i could wait another day to see if i could sort through what we could possibly be missing...

in the midst of all that work insanity, guess what didn't get done. my fucking homework. frustrated, agitated and convinced i was gonna give myself an ulcer before the week was out. by some miracle of awesomeness, i got the two chapters i wanted to read done with plenty of time for other stuff. i even dozed off for a minute last night halfway through the chapter. new plan of attack might actually be working. it probably helps that last night's business meeting was cancelled. i had a couple extra hours to play with... i walked in today to a response from my team and my boss. i touched base with my POC, and i think all is ok. we may be missing a piece, but it's not vital to the audit. i've checked all my usual time wasters this morning and even spent some time looking at car dealerships. dude i want to work with hasn't responded to my inquiry yet so i'm searching for a potential replacement. i'm very selective about who i do business with. i need to find someone i feel comfortable with who isn't going to harass the shit out of me until i buy something...

i hate these occasional panics, but i just might be in a better position because of them. today, i've got my shit together, and i'm ready to face the next stretch head on. now i'm gonna go make my lunch and start this next chapter. should be a good one; it's conduct disorders :)

power of groups

2011-09-12T11:51:00.000-04:00

i miss weight watchers meetings. neal calls it a cult; i call it group therapy. i'm taking a group therapy course this semester, which has me thinking more and more about groups. i never thought about ww in that context, but it absolutely is therapeutic. using the counseling jargon, it's a psychoeducational group. basically, a group that has a central theme around which there is discussion and skill building. AA is another good example

i don't believe i took it for granted how much benefit i'd get from ww. i knew going in that i was a meetings girl; i needed face to face support when i was starting out. i definitely overestimated the ability of the online community to replace my meetings though. not to say my online support isn't spectacular, but i definitely believe there is a piece missing. the weekly #wwchat fizzled, iitgi floundered and i don't want to join the mfp discussion boards. all i have are blogs and twitter, which i'm not utilizing to their full potential. i could be doing so much better. i could reach out to others for help. i could implement a plan based on ideas from other bloggers. i could start documenting my struggles and successes again. but i won't. something gets lost in translation online. because, short of expressing myself in tumblr posts, i'm finding it extremely hard to convey precisely what i mean

it's frustrating. i'm frustrated with the same information. i'm frustrated with the support inconsistencies. but mostly, i'm frustrated with myself. intellectually, i'm there. i know what to do and how to do it. i'm just not emotionally involved. i can't work up the excitement i used to have. for myself and for others. i love the internet, but it just can't fulfill the role i need sufficiently

feeling a bit lost (via tumblr)

feeling special

2011-09-09T13:23:00.001-04:00

i finally spent some time catching up on my fave blogs today after days of ignoring my reader. grad school is all consuming as usual :p scrolling through, i saw my name. who me? really? for good things? yep :) someone thinks i'm bootiful

thanks, sophia!!! the award is for beautiful bloggers. not just the blogs, but people who are beautiful on their insides and outsides :)

rules first. because there are always rules, and they're less fun than the nominations:

1. link back to the person who nominated you
2. choose as many bloggers as you'd like. share their blog links, and let them know about the award
3. don't remove the link to JessieMariem.blogspot.com from the award (that's just rude)

nominations after :) the hard part... other than the wonderful sophia, here are some of the bloggers who continually amaze me:

Tillie [a nuttier life]
Rini [adorkable me]
Emily [Emily Jane]
Lexa [Lemmonex]
Amy [life's journey with a smile]
Sarah [Silly Grrl]
Nora [Walking with Nora]

beat the heat week10

2011-09-05T13:52:00.087-04:00

summer goals:

drink six glasses of water per day
workout at least three times per week
leave for work by 830
stop dicking around with staying on budget
write in my journal weekly

results:
(1) i've done pretty well with this goal. i only faltered one week out of the whole challenge. two years ago, i barely drank any water at all. it still surprises me how much that's changed :)

(2) ha! this was, by far, my absolute worst goal. i didn't realize how bad until i was looking back over the whole challenge. i only accomplished this twice the entire time. twice. ugh! i'm still trying to build it into my schedule cause i need to move my ass as much as possible

(3) another happy surprise :) not only did i successfully change my morning routine, but i found extra time in my day for whatever i need. i'm going to try to take a small chunk of that extra time to do quick workouts (seriously, goal #2 is still a must!). joyce and reuters tell me i only need 15 minutes a day so that's my goal

(4) i only slipped up a little on the budget. i counted one week as a half win because i went over one piece without balance among the others. last week, i totally screwed the budget because of groceries. this week's groceries will be very light. good thing i have extras of stuff :p

(5) bu bu bust! just like the workouts *double sigh* not that i really needed journaling, but it can be helpful at times. i'm definitely not as disappointed about this goal as i am with my fitness failings though. maybe one day i'll start journaling regularly. maybe one day i'll also be a more consistent blogger ;) *shrug*

via we heart it

i couldn't pick just one so enjoy some adorable, carefree lovey feelings. isn't that pup just too precious?! i needed a wee bit of cheering in recovery from week one of grad school exhaustion. so. much. reading. i'm already behind ugh. but i'm hoping to catch up this week. until then, i'll be dreaming of floating away in a sea of balloons

{follow my progress and all the weekly questions}

beat the heat week9

2011-08-29T10:51:00.000-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you achieved towards your goals this week?
What have you done to make yourself feel fabulous?
This is week 9 and the final week of the challenge! Is there anything you want to really push to achieve now?
How have you felt through the challenge? Has anything been more difficult than you thought? Anything easier?
Fun Question of the Week: Where do you fit in your family? Are you a middle child for example? How does that affect your “place” in the family?

question 1: (1) shaky at best. i count it as a win, but i only drank my daily allotment four of seven days. must stay on top of this better cause i'm starting to slip (2) jack shit. didn't get up and workout. didn't workout after work. didn't even pretend like i was going to. what a bust (3 & 4) these two i was actually on top of. i'm still doing pretty well with my new schedule, and i was right on target with weekly expenses. i'm on my fall schedule as of this morning since class starts tomorrow. no more working from home, but late wednesdays have returned :) (5) another bust, but i'm less concerned with this one. i'll be doing plenty of writing in the coming weeks for class purposes (eek)

question 2: nothing to feel fabulous, but i can tell you what i did to feel completely unfabulous. i drank a shit ton at a "survive the hurricane" party. well, the hurricane that wasn't. irene was down to tropical storm levels by the time she reached us *shrug* i paid for my over indulgence yesterday, spending most of the day in my jammies on the couch. though, leslie and i had a most delicious hangover breakfast once the power returned. cheese scrambled eggs, toast, homemade home fries and beer brats :)

question 3: no one thing over the others; they're all still equally important. i need to work harder on the fitness and water goals though

question 4: that's a tough one to answer. each goal has had it's hard and easy moments over the last couple months. various things have gotten in the way, including myself, but i knew there would be struggling. that's why i chose these goals in the first place. i know these are my problem areas, and i just have to keep working on them

question 5: i'm the oldest of three. not sure how much that really affects me. i got to do things first, but my parents had the same standards and expectations of all of us. we're all spoiled, even though my sister takes the most advantage of it. i consider myself the most responsible and reliable, but we each have our moments *shrug*

this is the text for my child & adolescent psych course. i am so fucking excited about classes this semester. child psychology is my ultimate focus so this class means more than anything else. i'm not a huge fan of group therapy, but i'm interested to learn proper technique and such. it's going to be an insanely intense semester, but i'm looking forward to the challenge :)

{follow my progress and all the weekly questions}

anniversary of sorts

2011-08-24T13:13:00.000-04:00

i find it slightly amusing and highly fascinating how my favorite bloggers tend to write around the same times on the same themes. this week/weekend there's been chatter about life direction, goals and where everyone is. erini wrote about obstacles and apprehension. ardith wrote about having direction without specific focus. and emily wrote about how every choice we make helps shape who we are. last night, neal and i saw uncle vanya. it was well performed (hello! cate blanchett and hugo weaving! *dies*), but i'm still muddling over it's meaning. what i took from it is that our choices can trap us in incredibly wonderful or incredibly tragic patterns of "living". the best we can do is continue living, happy or not

i've been thinking over the last few days how happy i've been with recent decisions and where my life is. i'm absolutely not where i thought i would be at the age of 13. i had an entire life plan including a marriage, a baby and a doctoral program. i should be working on my thesis and my 2nd baby. i should be living in an adorable little house with its fenced in yard and overgrown puppy in the back. i had such lofty dreams and zero obstacles

the reality was several missteps, wrong turns and disastrous decisions. i was going to detail it all, but i hate dwelling on 2007-2009. most of my life is back on course these days. the one remaining thing that's bogging me down is my job. this morning i woke up kinda meh, but i'm getting more irritable by the minute. i cannot fully express to you how much i despise this place. i'm acutally hoping for daily earthquakes (minor ones, not crazy disaster movie/CA regular sized ones) so i can leave work early more often. last week, walking into work after nearly two weeks off was excruciating. there was/is literally no place i want to be less than here in this office

today is a reminder of all the things i dislike about my life and the decisions i've made. i've been here for four years exactly. six months as a contractor; the rest as an employee. i have a purpose and direction outside this job. i'm working on fulfilling my dreams. yet i'm trapped in this one thing that makes me miserable for approximately 40 hours a week. i'm plotting my escape (16 more months), but it's not enough. why do i stay? because the job pays better than i could get elsewhere. because the hours are flexible enough for me to stay in grad school. because i don't want just another throw away job when i leave here

i believe that everything happens for a reason. i believe that we must actively work to change things we don't like about our lives and ourselves. i believe i am on the right path to the goals i've had for half my life. i just wish the damn road wasn't so difficult to navigate and full of one way streets

beat the heat week8

2011-08-22T13:51:00.105-04:00

this week's questions:

What did you do this week to work towards your goals?
What did you do this week to make yourself feel fabulous?
What has been your biggest challenge this week?
Do you need neatness and order to feel good or does a bit of untidiness not bother you?
Fun Question of the Week: Would you rather be attacked by 20 duck sized horses or 20 horse sized ducks?

question 1: (1) water water everywhere, and all of it got drank. i was away for a couple days, but still managed to get in my six glasses. it's easier when you purposely limit your options ;) (2) one workout at home and one mini hike got me through this week. i still need consistency, which i'm hoping to tackle this week (3) no problems here, even with my week away. i'm feeling increasingly confident in my new routine as each day passes. it's not always perfect, but it's WAY better than last year's "schedule" (4) trips out of town are crushing my gas budget while saving my groceries budget. i'm so glad this month is almost over so i can start fresh at getting back on top of things (5) nothing written since atlanta. i just don't feel like writing

question 2: not feeling fabulous, but not feeling crappy either. i got home yesterday and almost immediately got in the tub. it was perfect temp, too. i read for over an hour and never got chilly. i was going to take a nap afterwards, but got distracted. it was still a nice lazy afternoon

question 3: staying energized and focused. my period is around the corner so i was constantly exhausted/hungry all week. i wasn't working out because i chose to sleep later. no post work workouts either because i had plans almost every night. and i haven't been eating the best. excessive snacking and cookouts have been my undoing. i'm up another four pounds today :( i was trying to stay in check, but only partly succeeded. this week should be better since i'll be less tired and not constantly famished. ironically, i need another snack each day this week or i'll be way (unhealthily) under my targets. might pick up some granola bars on the way home

question 4: i can handle a small amount of untidiness, but i get overwhelmed by too much clutter. i start to feel claustrophobic when there are piles of stuff everywhere. i can focus on nothing else until they're cleaned up. it's the worst when class is in session. i'm most likely to let things go because of too much stuff to do, but i need everything to be clean before i can get anything else done. it's so frustrating

question 5: i think i'd opt for the horses. a tiny stampede seems less life threatening than being pecked by gigantic ducks :)

via things organized neatly

i love this tumblr! organizing/organized things make/s me happy. i would put everything in a nice labeled box if i could :) i'm planning to pick up a new bookcase and bins so i can reorganize my bedroom

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20SB blog swap #9

2011-08-17T09:55:00.039-04:00

know what's fun about michelles? there's so damn many of us :)

today's post is from michelle of country girl/city girl as part of the 9th 20SB blog swap (themed guest posting :)). this round's topic is summer. read about the wild summer michelle's been having below, and check out my post up on her blog :)

This was my first summer out of school. After umpteen years of staring till my eyes bleed at countless PowerPoints and listening to an absurd number of hours of lecture on shit that no one cares about, this is a new and strange feeling for me. I mean, I never have to go back to school again if I don't want to. Couple this with the fact that I no longer have school-related sports to take up 99.9% of my time, and the fact that I am shit at making new friends, and you’ve got a very lost Michelle whose all like “well what the F do I do now?”

Well I’ll tell you what I did. I had a nervous breakdown. I decided to stay in Columbus because I didn’t want to run back to my parents like a big ol’ PUSSYcat like errybody else from my podunk town does; but when I actually moved into my apartment and signed a year of my life away to the rental gods, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably on my kitchen floor. Like holy shit get this girl a horse tranquilizer STAT uncontrollably…it wasn’t pretty.

Eventually I put my big-girl panties on and decided that if I was gonna be here away from all judgmental family member’s eyeballs (love you guys), I may as well do whatever the hell I wanted.

So begins my brief, summer-long episode of my version of “whatever the hell I want”, which actually is pretty PG-13 cuz let's face it, I'm sorta boring and I'm scared my momma will smack the smartass outta me (that's a lot of smacking, folks) if I do anything too bad. Imma break it down in highlights for you to promote easier reading because, just like my men, I like my blogs easy.

Highlight Number 1: I experience my first cab ride ever. Our driver’s name is Aweezy, which makes me think of Lil Wayne. Weezy drops my three friends and I off at the bar so we can get drunk off bottle service plus a free bottle of champagne if someone gives the owner, who is a very large black man nicknamed “Big Phil”, a lapdance. Somehow, we end up with a bottle of champage, but no one is owning up to the lapdance. I have my suspects…

I experience my second cab ride ever the same night when we are "lucky" enough to snag Weezy again to give all our drunk asses a ride home. As we are exiting the cab for the night, Lil Wayne grabs my boobs and squeezes, kinda like he is testing a pear for ripeness. He also asks my friend if she took any pictures of me dancing throughout the night. I decide to drive myself to and from the bar from here on out.

Highlight Number 2: I develop a slight cough and a bit of a sinus/sniffle/headcold thing. I assume it will go away like any other cold normally would, and I purchase some Ricola Honey Lemon cough drops cause I don't settle for that Luden's Cherry bullshit. Eventually I am coughing so uncontrollably that I have to literally run away from my tables while taking orders at my job to have a hysterical, oh-my-god-I’m-suffocating coughing fit in the back. I lie and say I have allergies so people don’t think I’m contaminating their food. A creepy middle-aged man hits on me after I have one of these disgusting, choking till near vomiting coughing fits in front of him and I find myself wondering what kinda kinky shit he's into. Ten days, two bags of cough drops, and a bottle of DayQuil later I finally take my sorry ass to the doctor. Whaddayaknow, I have a sinus infection and bronchitis. The doctor looks at me like I'm crazy, while standing as far away from my infected body as he possibly can in the tiny examining room, and asks me why the hell I didn't come to see them sooner. Fannnntastic.

Highlight Number 3: Someone hangs a sign on the door of my apartment building warning the inhabitants of the building of a stalker that is lurking the area, complete with a photo and a physical description. I do not have curtains on my windows, so I tape trash bags onto the glass, blocking all view both into and out of the windows. I begin to sleep with a softball bat beside my bed, and every time I hear something outside I go into temporary coronary failure.

Highlight Number 4: I smoke my first full cigarette ever. I don’t cough or choke, but I find that it tastes like burnt sunflower seeds. It also makes my mouth taste like I've been licking the inside of an oven the rest of the night, and I decide that cigarettes are just not for me.

Highlight Number 5: I have a brief fling with a Mexican, who we will refer to as Enrique. Now, when I say Mexican, I don't mean a Mexican-American, I mean a “Hola Chica Mexican” as my friend Sarah so eloquently describes it. Now, when I say fling, I mean I go to watch the Mexico vs USA soccer game at a Mexican restaurant with Enrique, where I am the lone white girl. I also accompany him to Chipotle and a Mexican fair where I am no doubt the minority. I hear that Mexican men move very quickly in their relationships (okay, I googled it), but I have no intention of seriously dating this man. Enrique turns out to be horribly jealous and is already planning out a life with me, chock full of trips to Cancun (which I surely would never return from), home to meet my parents, and even asks if he can move into my apartment with me. I find myself wondering how he fits that much crazy into such a little body.

I decide to end what I consider a friendship and he considers a lifelong partnership whenever I receive a text message from apparently his wife saying “Deja de molestar mi esposo”. Translation: “Stop bothering my husband.” Time to pack up the Coronas and go home….fiesta’s over.

Highlight Number 6: I score a job interview with a sweet company in Wisconsin, sealing myself a free trip to a state I've never been to so I can come out and interview. I am terrified of flying and have never done it alone, but I manage to get there without accidentally flying to China. The cab driver on the way to my interview shows me and the other candidates around the city where the company is located. She points out the “ghetto”, explaining that in THEIR ghetto you are more likely to be hit with the gun than shot with it. I laugh the entire cab ride there.

I kick ass during the 5 hour long interview process, and head back to the airport confident that I’ll be moving to Wisconsin within the next month. Here, I discover that airport food costs a mothereffing fortune plus your firstborn child.

I return to Columbus and wait for the longest two weeks of my entire life. After two excruciating weeks of suspense, I get turned down and then hung up on by the bitchy human resources girl.

Oh yea? Well, Wisconsin smells like cheese anyway.

Highlight Number 7: It's halfway through August and summer is pretty much almost over, even though it's still so effing hot out that my eyelashes are sweating. Mother Nature...I think you're a bitch.

I finally decide that I need to get my shit together. I break my lease to move back home, with my family, where I belong. I need to get a job and get out of this putting off real life phase that I'm in and be a real person.

So now that I'm done with school, done with intercollegiate sports, and I've sown my (not so) wild oats for the past three months, here starts the rest of my life. I'm sure as shit not ready for it, but damn if it's not ready for me. I guess we all gotta grow up sometime.

Lord, just put off the wrinkles for a little bit longer...at least give me that much.

beat the heat week7

2011-08-15T09:50:00.000-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done to help you achieve your goals?
What have you done to make you feel fabulous?
If your house was on fire, and you could grab ONE thing (outside of people and your computer/laptop, they are all out) what would it be?
Tell us about your blog. Treat it like a book, what’s happened so far?
Fun Question of the Week: Tell an embarrassing story about yourself. No dodging.

question 1: (1) bust (2) bust (3) off work (4) half counts (5) bust. being away for a week really threw me off

question 2: finally took a shower yesterday. i was feeling mega lazy so i didn't bother unstinkifying for two days. of course, then i felt mega gross. i didn't just shower though. i exfoliated, shaved and washed/styled my hair. kinda made me feel like a brand new person, and i decided to do my nails

question 3: if it happened today, i have no clue. my cell i guess. if i were better prepared, my "in case of fire/zombies" kit. it would include a flashlight, cell, emergency credit card, change of clothes, book, running shoes, snacks and weaponry

question 4: i started this blog because i wanted a place to talk about non-weight stuff. i've ranted, laughed and schmooped all over it. i fell in love with my boy, fought my way through my grad program and decided to stick with my current employer. i raised money for the komen foundation and lost almost 70 pounds. i said goodbye to my last grandparent. my blog is more a collection of short stories with the same protagonist

question 5: this is one of my favorite stories to tell because it involves my ridiculous mom. i went to catholic school from kindergarten (st. john's) through high school (spalding). st. john's didn't have a cafeteria so lunch was in our homerooms, and parents volunteered to watch us during lunch and recess. i convinced my mom to do it one time when i was in 8th grade. i was walking from the back of the room to my desk at the front. my foot got caught in someone's backpack strap, and i tripped. i fell right onto the floor, in the middle of the room so everyone saw. my mom, being the wonderful, caring person she is, burst out laughing. she asked, from the front of the room, if i was ok. i was more embarrassed that she'd laughed than i was by the fall. what a jerk :p

via

my nails aren't that intricate, but manicures are fun. we got manis and pedis before the funeral. i just went with a clear coat then. now they're blue with white tips

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off the rails

2011-08-14T09:49:00.000-04:00

so much has happened in the last few weeks. emotionally, it's hard to keep up. i've started four posts about the happenings; clearly, nothing's been published. i have a few more posts rolling through my head that i haven't had the time or patience to flesh out. i want to get back on track with everything, but i need to visualize and plan it all out first. here's what's up:

*grad school: i'm embarrassed to admit my academic defeats so i doubt i detailed much of this before. i'll start towards the beginning. last semester, i was on probation. i got fucked in the fall so my gpa dived. i tried my best to get what i needed to get it back up, but fell just short. it doesn't help that one of my grades may be wrong. no, it's not going to boost me over the threshold, but every point counts. unfortunately, JB is an asshole. it took him a week to respond to each of my emails; then he just stopped responding altogether. at the end of june, i got the letter saying i was officially suspended. no class for me in the fall, and i'd have to jump through hoops to be allowed back in for the spring. i had a meeting with the program director, now EJ (JB was the interim director while TM was on sabbatical). i was almost in tears at the end of the meeting. happy tears. she and SB (director of academic advising) believed i should get another chance so they were going to waive my suspension. no begging or pleading from me required. i registered for classes a couple weeks ago. i had a meeting with SB this week to discuss the numbers and do the paperwork. she wanted to hammer home how important this semester is, which i totally agree with. if i don't get the grades, i'm done. that is not an option. much like last semester, things will be difficult and i'm ready for the challenge. i have another email in to JB, i put in my paperwork for my education benefits and my money is ready to go

*finances: i was obsessing over and reconfiguring my savings goals because of the semester beginning. then i started focusing on my long term goals. after days of checking and rechecking, i realized how beneficial having a side hustle would be for me. paying off students loans and saving for huge future purchases over three years without using money from my primary job? sign me up! of course, that was before i reconfigured the MKN budget. there are quite a few assumptions built in given that we dumped our first client before any business was done. once things get moving though, i think everything will work out nicely for the business and us

*work: i'm managing a project that i'd rather be doing. i have the boring job of coordinating between people. i'd much rather be running and analyzing reports, even if it's a cumbersome, time consuming task for one person. what else do i have to do? granted, just like last semester, my lack of projects gives me more time to do homework. i'll be taking full advantage of that given the insane workload i'm going to get

*family: my grandmother was sent to hospice on the 31st because her kidneys appeared to be shutting down. on the 1st, the nurse thought the doctor had misdiagnosed her because she was doing better. the morning of the 2nd, she died. i'm glad i had better sense than to believe what the nurse told my mom monday. false hope is the worst when dealing with sickness and death. she lived 100 amazing years, and her body decided it was time to go. my parents went down to atlanta wednesday to get everything together for the funeral. i went down thursday to help mom because i knew she wouldn't get the support and assistance she needed. her side of the family is wonderful, but they just don't get us. we spent two days running around and making phone calls and two days trying to mentally prepare. tuesday afternoon, we said good bye. over the week, we shared a lot of stories, jokes and tears. we saw a lot of old faces, too. sometimes i forgot what a big heart she had; she touched so many people in one way or another. everyone was a part of her family, not just those of us tied by bloodlines

*health: the stress of the last two weeks took a toll on me physically. mindless eating to the extreme. i still documented every bit of what i ate and drank. so i know i ate at least double my daily allotment every single day i was in atlanta. before i left, i was barely eating at all. i had to consciously remind myself to eat because i simply wasn't hungry. i've been home since wednesday evening, and i still feel way off. my body has done everything it can to let me know it is displeased. even thinking about it now is making my stomach turn... i shouldn't really call it mindless eating. i kept saying i was craving sugar, but i wasn't really craving it. i had an insane compulsion to devour sweets. all of my eating was compulsive. i stripped the skin off a chicken thigh like i used to when i was little. i've always disliked chicken, but i love the fried skin. i ate a whole leg. then i ate the skin my mom hadn't wanted. then i ate all the bits that had fallen into the box. then i grabbed a thigh and methodically removed all its skin. cameron asked, halfway through, if i was going to eat the rest. with no hesitation or guilt, i said "no, i don't want it" like i was seven years old all over again... i'm feeling more mentally myself, but i know i started to undo all the good i've done. i dread getting on the scale this morning, but i know it's the next step in getting back on track

*random: jesse sent me this old article a few weeks ago that still has me thinking. do i see what's out there or do i focus on the minutia? over the last year or so, i think i'm opening myself up to more possibilities. i know where i want to go, but i'm more willing to try different paths to get there. i'm still a detail oriented planner; i will always stress over the little things. i'm just allowing myself to be guided a bit more by the universe instead of forcing/rushing the universe to fulfill my demands

given all i have/need to get done, i really need a game plan. i've already set up my personal schedule for the fall, which includes all the usual obligations for work, school and myself. i'm buying books this week so i can get a headstart on readings. eight books between two classes means no wasted moments. i'm hoping the week off for the funeral hasn't screwed with my momentum. i have wiggle room, but not much. like usual, the schedule is probably overly ambitious, but i don't know how else to be

beat the heat week5

2011-08-01T12:17:00.000-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this week to work towards your goals?
What have you done to make yourself feel fabulous?
How are you finding your goals this challenge? Do you still think you can achieve them?
Freebie! If you want to change one goal change it. Explain your decision even if you don’t change any.
Fun Question of the Week: If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Your funds are unlimited!

question 1: (1) missed a couple days, but had more good than bad (2) skip it (3) i am kicking this goals ass... except that one day i way overslept ;) (4) came in over budget on groceries, but way under budget on gas. too bad my miscellaneous spending is still out of control. i've been tweaking the budget, which should help in the next couple months (5) i never write when things are really good. i had intended to on friday. i was having a really good day, and i wanted to have the reminder that those days exist. didn't get to it. then i got some bad news yesterday, which i did end up journaling about. i don't want to go into detail, but my family could use some extra positive energy

question 2: i registered for classes. if you've been following the snippets of info here and on twitter, you know this is a big freaking deal. i need to take care of some paperwork next week to finalize everything. i have a post coming with a bit more detail :)

question 3: sometimes awesome, sometimes aggravating. more annoyed with myself than my goals. this whole workout thing is just not going well. i have a plan that goes into effect next week. fingers crossed i can get my ass in gear. all my goals are attainable as long as i stick with them

question 4: i've done this in previous challenges, but i don't want to change any of my current ones. even with the frustration, these are things i really want to do consistently. forming new habits is a necessary pain in the ass; this challenge is a step towards changing my habits for good

question 5: i would stay in maryland, but i would buy a vacation home in the mountains. maybe in pennsylvania, maybe in arizona. somewhere semi-secluded where we could hideout for a couple weeks. or i might take my mom around the world and "live" everywhere. mom is the biggest reason i'd stay in maryland. if she wanted to move out of state, i'd move. if she wanted to travel on a boat, i'd order a monogrammed lifevest (i'm still a fancy bitch, even at sea ;)). i couldn't imagine being anywhere permanently without her nearby

via better moments

happiness isn't at the bottom of a shot glass, but there was a whole lot of delicious on the way there. i have awesome friends who know when i need a hug, a laugh and a drink <3

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i love it when you sing to me

2011-07-30T09:21:00.000-04:00

you can sing me anything

beat the heat week4

2011-07-25T15:59:00.110-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this week towards your goals?
What did you do to make yourself feel fabulous?
Do you exercise? What is your favourite kind and why?
There are loads of fantastic bloggers here in the Beat the Heat competition, which blog or blogs have you discovered through the challenge that you particularly enjoy? Show that person some love!
Fun Question of the Week: What song makes you want to dance at the moment?

question 1: (1 - water) (3 - schedule) (5 - journaling) easy peasy :) (2 - workouts) (4 - budget) crossed off, but just barely. i cleaned and cooked friday; spent a good amount of time at jesse's horizontal. i counted those as my short and fun workouts. might change my approach next week as my morning routine adjusts... budget is ok, but i'm getting into dangerous territory. changing my accounts keeps throwing me off

question 2: other than cleaning out the DVR and netflix queue? nada. oh, i did also cross off another item on my mega to do list. i finally got all my photos into albums :) now i can show off post college shenanigans to company

question 3: heh i loosely define exercise most days. i honestly don't hate working out; i just have a really hard time motivating myself to do it. favorite exercise that i'd never want to miss? sex. i think that's pretty self explanatory ;)

question 4: ok, i feel super horrible about this one... i haven't read any new blogs from this challenge. i'm sooo behind in my reader :( there are a bunch of blogs i picked up from amy's previous challenges though: a small loss, breathing through chaos, kissed a frog, shannon under construction... i know i'm missing a bunch; the organization of my reader is a bit behind, too

question 5: that could be just about anything if i'm in the right mood :) i grab my ipod for every trip up to jesse's (or anywhere outside my regular station's reach), and it is almost guaranteed that jesse mccartney will come on at least once in the 900+ song shuffle. he requires a car dance party of one, especially when it's makeup

for all my lazing about these last few months, i've managed to stay within my weight range. this was my weight at the end of yesterday, after a fantastic lunch at appalachian brewing co with jesse. there were no leftovers, and we were still full eight hours later. considering i typically gain a pound and a half over the course of a day, i'm probably in better shape (numberswise) than indicated here :)

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wine & love5

2011-07-21T11:01:00.000-04:00

it's been a while, but how about some wine & love today? :) and don't forget to visit the lovely nora, who started this all

reasons my glass is full:

- i'm pmsing, which means general irritability at everything, a constant state of exhaustion and about four times the proper amount of salt added to everything

- i need an oil change, but i'm still pissed about my last trip. i might just go to the location round the corner from home instead of the one by work

- continued access issues are making me increasingly stabby. i'm about two emails away from giving up on this three (nearly four) month ordeal

reasons i'm loving this week:

- had a meeting with dr. j about my suspension, and it's been waived! i didn't have to bawl and beg for another chance; she and the dean agreed that i should get another one. i'm just waiting on the dean to approve my course selection :)

- the business is starting off ok. business cards have arrived, website has been put together and we're starting to build our client list. we had a couple setbacks, but i think we're still in a good place right now

- making lots of fun plans :) might have lunch with mom friday. seeing HP7 (again) with julia and leslie in a couple weeks. hosting our first game night. brunch with stace and crabs with the parents when jesse comes down. on top of plans to go up to jesse's this weekend and seeing two shows next week

- opened a credit union account because i'm over wells fargo (i'm gonna miss wachovia immensely). everyone's been super nice and helpful even though i've had a few issues. one phone call, a trip to a branch and lots of patient explanations seem to have sorted everything out. i didn't even have to yell at anyone

- #summerofharry. we're on goblet of fire, which is still my least favorite, for the next two weeks. i'm really excited for the last three though. can't lie; i love dark and twisty. the growing threat of voldemort's return is so exciting, and i love his eventual defeat. all it needed was a little more neville fucking longbottom ;)

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

beat the heat week3

2011-07-18T12:00:00.140-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this week to work towards your goals?
What have you done this week to make you feel fabulous?
Do you have any gadgets that help you to your goals or are you a low tech kinda person?
We are half way through the year, what have you achieved so far (in all aspects of life)?
Fun Question of the Week: Tell me one of your secrets to achieving goals and living a happy life?

question 1: this week was SO much better than last week. (1) it's been beyond ridiculously hot so drinking plenty of water isn't as much of an issue. i'm still having issues pacing myself though. even though i'm thirsty at work, i don't start drinking my water until nearly noon. my water bottle is full and sitting next to my computer; i just don't reach for it (2) why is three times a week so hard? i get about one and a half if i'm really trying. i don't hate working out, but i have zero desire to do it. juli and i are thinking about walking the trail after she moves. and i hope having a buddy is the kick in the ass i need (3) success! i think i finally found the key: showering first. i'm out of bed by 720, hop in the shower and have breakfast while getting dressed. i even have time to watch an episode of the talk while i'm getting ready. it's glorious :) (4) not superb, but not horrible either. i bought half my ornaments this weekend, which i forgot to factor in this month. next round in oct so i'll be ready. groceries will be the hard area for the next two weeks. why you gotta be so expensive, produce? *sigh* (5) i almost missed this week again. i had the time, but, like everything else, i forgot about it until yesterday. so instead of skipping it, i actually wrote. i love writing in my journal when i do it so i can't really understand why i make it so hard to do. scheduling time to write is definitely a hindrance; i should know better. i've dropped the blocked out time to put less pressure on it, but i still want to write at least once a week. maybe i'll even relocate my blogging voice...

question 2: journaling :) i love a good brain dump, and i've been bottling too much these days. i don't like sharing publicly until i've sorted through all the details, thoughts and emotions. problem is, i haven't been sorting at all. i've been letting things build up instead of addressing them. i know i shouldn't, and i'm not a fan of it. however, i'm constantly going in a thousand directions so sometimes it feels like i have to. i simply don't have the time and mental capacity to devote to every single thing... also? i bought hot new shoes. i luffs them :)

question 3: for this set of goals, low tech. i have my budget on a flashdrive and specific categories written in my planner. i update both on a daily basis. i have pageonce on my phone, but don't use it quite as often. it's great for checking balances and travel on the go. though it's not as helpful for my daily tracking because of how data is sent by my providers

question 4: i hit my goal weight and helped start a business. i'm proud of both feats. the next thing i want to do is buy a new car. i know exactly what i want, and i've picked a new dealer. i'm just crossing my fingers it's in the 2012 production lineup. it wasn't in the 2011 lineup with no explanation. i'm gonna be devastated if they canceled the model; there is literally no other vehicle with the features i want that i have any interest in

question 5: don't let anyone or anything get in the way of what you truly want. if you have emotional saboteurs, cut them out of your life. recognize the difference between people who may be confused about how to support you and those who truly want you to remain as you are at whatever cost. blood relative, best friend or random jerk on the street, doesn't matter. if that person is not being supportive in words and actions, they aren't a good person to keep around. change is difficult for everyone, but the people who matter most will be there to help you grow

via we heart it

because sometimes you need to write it out offline...

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beat the heat week2

2011-07-11T12:00:00.139-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help achieve your goals?
What did you do this past week to make you feel good about yourself?
Did you have a moment in your life where everything changed for you, an epiphany moment, or has it happened gradually?
What made you get involved with the Beat The Heat challenge?
Fun Question of the Week: What is your favourite TV Show at the moment?

question 1: i'm off to a great start; i completely botched three of my five goals. only worked out once, was late getting out of the house every day and didn't write in my journal. i did get all my water in, with a few extra glasses over the weekend. and i managed to stay on target with my budget

question 2: i spent the weekend with my best friends from college; seeing the girls was way overdue. i missed them so effing much. it's funny how much things can change but also remain the same. also hilarious that our boys are so goddamn the same, which is good cause we're four peas in a pod ;) and we finally got to meet zoe, who is the sweetest little thing :) she's so precious! there were a couple fussy moments because she's working on some new teeth, but none of us wanted to put her down ever. my favorite thing was seeing sean with her; he's such a good daddy. seeing her face light up every time he entered the room melted my cold bitchy heart

question 3: i kinda did in regards to my career. i'd become interested in english in my junior year of college. more in the evolution of speech and language than literature. unfortunately, i was thinking about how children learn speech and decided to enroll in a speech pathology grad program. my goal was dual masters and working with autistic kids. one bored semester later, i left the speech program. i felt a bit lost because i'd wasted a semester on a dream i no longer wanted. that following new year's eve was spent with my girls. there was an incident, and i tried to talk erin through the whole thing. it was in that moment that i realized psychology, my first love, was 100% where i needed to be. it's that memory that keeps me pushing forward for my master's and license

question 4: habit? lol. i've done both of the previous challenges, and i'm so glad amy started this. i've had better success sticking with my goals and changing my habits with her challenges. even though this past week was terrible, i've exceeded my own expectations in the last six months :)

question 5: that's kind of hard to decide. current shows? the talk, so you think you can dance, extreme makeover: weightloss edition. ended shows? buffy, sex and the city, foster's home for imaginary friends. older shows? the odd couple, the dick van dyke show, the golden girls... i like a lot of tv :)

via the magical world of harry potter

seeing harry potter is the highlight of my week. neal and i are doing the double feature on thursday :D how adorable are these little kidlets? correct answer: super

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beat the heat week1

2011-07-04T10:10:00.047-04:00

yes we're doing this all over again :) this time rebecca is hosting on amy's behalf. who's ready to unlazify this summer?!

this week's questions:

What are your goals for the 10 week challenge?
Why did you pick those goals? What makes them important right now?
What’s your biggest ~~excuse~~ reason for not doing something and how are you going to stop it getting in the way?
Are you a planner or do you go with the flow?
Fun Question of the Week: Tell us something that will help us get to know you. Like things you like or a silly story or about your family.

questions 1-2:
1. drink at least six glasses of water per day. i'm still working increase my daily water intake. i'm finally getting consistent with five per day, and i'm hoping this will hammer in the new habit for good

2. workout at least three times per week. a returning goal from the winter challenge since i've gotten so lazy. i need to start getting specific about what and when; i think that might be my biggest obstacle

3. get up and out of the house by 830 for work. must stop sacrificing shower time instead of twitter time. must. stop. i've gotten better about the time i spend on my phone before getting out of bed. however, i'm still wasting time, which means rushing around to make/eat breakfast, make lunch and get in the shower

4. stick as closely to the budget as possible. the last few months have been... questionable. i need to lock it down cause i'm juggling money between accounts again. not good, especially when i'm trying to close another one of my credit cards by the end of the year

5. write in my journal at least once a week. one of the things i loved about my basic counseling course were the weekly journals. we had to reflect on the readings, discussion and lab from that week. interesting topics, application to our professional goals, confusing points, etc. it was a great way to organize and reflect each week, and i could review throughout the semester for themes and changes. *sigh* i miss that

question 3: "i have too many things to do" i'm always going in a thousand directions at once. i can't let myself focus long enough to finish any one thing so nothing gets done. sooo i schedule everything. i have my general, weekly and daily to dos all written down. depending on what's on the list, i organize it based on how long each will take, overlapping tasks as i can. this is especially handy over weekends when i'm cooking and cleaning... which reminds me, i need to update my planner

question 4: i may have just given myself away ;) total planner. i even have to plan ahead when i'm going to "go with the flow" lol. gotta compensate for all the stuff i was originally going to do in that carefree time

question 5: i am 100% a dog person. i don't quite understand or trust cats. they're deceptive creatures, cute ninja assassins. i would never date someone whose only pet is a cat. or a bird. i don't like birds either. i'm sure your little ball of fur is the sweetest and cutest, but no. i'm not rushing out to adopt one. also neal is deathly allergic to cats so no keeping the little overlords at our place. here are some other little things about me in case you wondered :)

via we heart it

today, we celebrate our independence day. yay america! thanks, britain for stealing/buying the land. thanks, founding fathers for telling the monarchy to shove it. thanks, lincoln for emancipating my peeps so i can join in the fun as an "equal" citizen. i plan to be full of grilled meats, pasta and beer today. maybe we'll pop downtown to watch some pretty explosions, too :) hope y'all are having a great monday (working or not)

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the cut

2011-06-26T11:04:00.000-04:00

mission: accomplished. got my hairs chopped off yesterday. my stylist (i can claim her after two visits right? right :)) said i probably could've donated my hair if it weren't so dry. that's how much i lost. ridiculous! it's a super cute cut, straightened or curly :)

for reference, the befores:

post shower, wet hair - straightened adds about 5in

15min of drying

and then, there were afters:

after hours of humidity, playing with it and sleeping on it

adding a headband and half smile makes me look less criminal ;)

it took about two hours to wash, cut and style. it's still itchy where little dry hairs are poking me. and i need to buy a head scarf so i can wrap it at night. but, i'm SO happy with it. i probably won't go curly until this weekend. mostly cause i look even more like my mom (hey there, curly fro), and i don't want people to think we're twins when we go to lunch this week :p

spring fever week12

2011-06-20T12:00:00.146-04:00

oh. it's over... the last few months have just flown by. it's the first official day of summer! when the crap did that happen? since it's the end, it's time for a review :)

the goals:

drink more water
new workouts/weigh self
change morning routine
tackle to do list
stop overspending
*bonus* perfect a baked mac n cheese

(1) last week, four of seven days with five glasses of water meant lots of potty trips. i need to adjust when i'm drinking the water to give my system time to catch up. it's totally worthless to drink all that water, then lose it the next hour. overall though, i've succeeded in increasing my water intake greatly. hooray for tea and keeping my water bottle close

(2) i skipped bikram, but i did weigh in. not happy with this week's numbers... it's hard to really review this goal since i changed it midway. the fitness component has pretty much fallen off, while the tracking his done well. i'm weighing myself three to four times a week; only sundays weight officially counts. considering all the missteps, this is the first week i've been over my maintenance goal. i'm starting to retain water so i'm really not surprised. unhappy yes, surprised nope

(3) horrible horrible horrible bust. we lost power for 10sec the other day. when i reset my alarm, i forgot to also reset my radio presets. so my 2nd alarm, usually set to my fave station, played a dead station. no morning talking means no woken michelles. add that to the previous month and a half. another disappointment. i need to find a better balance for getting out of the house, but not falling asleep at my desk in the afternoon. i spend less time checking twitter before my shower, but that's just translated into spending more time with my eyes closed under the covers

(4) i spent sunday morning vacuuming and scrubbing. amazing how irritation can become motivation. i'm still not done with spring cleaning, but at least i'm nearing the end. overall, the to do list is looking pretty good. only three items left from the original list, and i'm in the middle of two. i did add another two last week, and i'm in the middle of one of those as well. it's taken awhile, but i finally am knocking things off

(5) summer shows killed me. it's going to be a close month, but the extra expenses are SO worth it. the last few months definitely could have been better. but given the various circumstances, not that much better. i'm still meeting my savings goals so it's not a total bust

(6) no mac making this week, but i'm thinking about what to make next week. i think i'm going to build something completely from scratch again based on what we've liked so far. should be interesting :) there have been some very good and some kinda bad recipes, but i'm having fun. bonus that now neal prefers homemade to take out mac muahahahahahahaha ;)

i need to work on doing more to feel good about myself. not that i don't feel good, but i definitely could treat myself more in small ways. the closest i came was taking a breather when i needed it. instead of going out saturday, i spent the whole day being lazy. the rest of the weekend was spent out and about with neal. saw marina and the diamonds friday; saw company and went out to dinner sunday. all around good weekend on many counts, excluding the annoying families at the restaurant. people can be such assholes for no reason

as a whole, i think i did ok on this challenge. there are a couple things i'll be carrying forward into the summer round though. it seems i'm more likely to do them if i write them down and announce them publicly :)

via *nishe on flickr

the time has come... i'm getting my hair chopped this weekend. i'm totally nervous because i've never had short hair. but i'm excited because i've never had short hair. think tabatha coffey short :)

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passage of time

2011-06-15T17:15:00.000-04:00

i started this post because of something jesse said to me. "i wish i'd met you three years ago." after a conversation about his financial situation. my darling boy is good at many things; managing his money is not one of them. i'm obsessive about my money so most of the time he makes me nervous. i'm doing my best to help him without stealing his check card and changing his account information so he can't access anything himself. doling out an allowance, having the final say on all things finances. i would be that extreme

if jesse were 16

moving on. as i told him, i was not this person three years ago. the 24 year old me would not be so patient, concerned or interested in his situation. she would see this as a bit of fun, but not necessarily long term. she would be too caught up in her own bullshit to recognize what she had in her life. i know this because i've done this before. i dated a guy in college who was very similar to jesse. i broke up with him after two months because he was simply too nice and i just wanted to get laid. i couldn't even maintain a friendship with him. a few months after breaking up, we tried. a few months later, i lost my temper and a good friend. i still laugh at what he wrote about me on livejournal. not because it didn't hurt, but because it was pretty true. i hurt people, and i didn't much care because those people had hurt me first

in 2008, i was living alone because i got sick of living with my dad (my parents are still together; i just have daddy issues). loved everything about the place, except the cost; i bounced a couple rent checks that year. the excitements in my life included buying a discounted couch at ikea, wondering if my temp position would become permanent (it did) and getting into loyola (worst. ever). i went on my second cruise, with my family, and spent most of my time either drinking or complaining. my friends were getting married, and i was getting hit by major cases of the jealousies. i consoled myself by buying expensive shoes and watching shows on cable at my parents' house (before i boycotted after another run in with hulk dad). it was also the year of the great integration at work, which set up the worst six months of my life. in the middle of that, i met a guy who would turn out to be the absolute worst person to have in my life

i give the universe credit though. if it hadn't been for THE worst year ever, i would not be in a place to realize the best. one program dismissal plus one break up plus realizing i no longer wanted to coast through my life equals the last 18 months of happy. i'm still the same spoiled, privileged girl i've always been, but i appreciate my advantages in a way i never had. i moved in with my best friend to save money and force him to spend time with me (neal, you know it's true. love, clingmonster). we're better friends than we had been in recent years. i stopped spending every last cent i had just because i could. instead, i've saved a ridiculous amount of money and gotten a feature on smartypig's blog (some of the details are wrong, but it's still pretty freaking cool). i found a man i adore who is good to me and good for me. i suck at showing it most times, but i appreciate what he has brought to my life

end of 2008: "i have never been so disappointed and humiliated in my life" and things got worse
end of 2009: "regardless of what happens, i'll be starting my year off with an adventure" and the adventure continued

three years ago, this would've been a fun side trip on the path to what i wanted. i'd have dropped him like a hot potato if things started getting too real or difficult. i wouldn't have been willing to let him in my heart, not even a tiny bit. that girl wouldn't have been in any position to help anyone, even if she had looked outside her little bubble from time to time. rereading and reliving journal entries from the last three years was definitely uncomfortable. realizing how much i've grown is overwhelmingly awesome. jesse, you could've met me three years ago, but you wouldn't have been meeting me. i found you at the exact moment i needed to. we're exactly where we need to be. everything happens for a reason

spring fever week11

2011-06-13T12:00:00.103-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help achieve your goals?
What did you do this past week to make you feel good about yourself?
With one week left, what is your plan?
What time of day are you most productive?
Fun Question: Are you reading a book right now? If so, share! If not, what was the last good book you read?

question 1: (1) stru-stru-strugglin. i almost didn't make it because of slow drinking. somehow i managed to get them all in though, and this week i'm at five glasses per day. today's going to be hard because everything's been off. i'm still gonna try though (2) weighed myself a few times last week. i've started gaining, but... my fat percentage is down and my muscle went up :) take that, scale! jesse visited this weekend so i changed up my workout routine ;) must get consistent weekly workouts (3) did much better than previous weeks; only late one day (4) finally got my blogroll updated [edit: during another update, blogger reverted the page. i couldn't get anything back so i've got back to blogroll on the sidebar]. it would be easier to use a side widget, but i hate cluttering my sidebar. i also got ride of my buttons page. same deal with the sidebar plus i realized no one was even checking it. half my "cleaning" to do list is now done, and another task has been crossed off the master list :) (5) doing ok; could be doing better. curse the allure of summer concerts! some stuff has been rescheduled so the bank account isn't getting squeezed too much extra (6) last week i used up the light cream and mascarpone. this week i used up the half n half in a cheesy beefy pasta bake. i liked the ground sirloin with pepper jack, amadeus and asiago cheeses. i did not like the thinness of the sauce: combination of the half n half separating and there not being enough to cover a pound of penne. i think it would've baked better with a thicker sauce. i think, in the future, i'll stick to light cream as the dairy base for all from scratch cheese sauces. it still tasted good and got the jesse stamp of approval though :)

question 2: i didn't do anything for myself last week... well, not to make myself feel good. some things happened that make me feel good and happy for other people though :)

question 3: ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK! i'm going to keep hammering away at my to do list, stay on track (as much as possible) to my health goals and not let little setbacks become huge obstacles. i'm already deciding my list of summer goals, carrying forward the important things from the winter and spring sets. this challenge series has helped keep me focused and on track so well. i don't want to lose any momentum :)

question 4: huh i'm not quite sure. i guess between 10am and 2pm most days. that's when i focus the most at work and, typically, when i pry myself out of bed on the weekends. i can keep going as long as i don't get distracted or run out of things to do

question 5: oh my. i'm in the middle of jonathan strange still. i'm also reading business books for MKN stuff. you can keep up with my (non)progress on goodreads (ps - are you on goodreads? be my friend? ;))

via i like this, and this, and this

semi positive photo this week. everything makes me think of jesse. i miss him and won't see him for a month :( skyping isn't the same... this cute little, mop topped nerd makes me think of the future nerds i'll be raising one day *sigh* some day

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20SB vlog day

2011-06-08T19:37:00.046-04:00

this video post is part of 20SB’s vlog day, and the topic is “introduce yourself”…anyone can participate! details are here.

don't you just love my awkward face? yea, me, too ;)

oh! i almost forgot...

the adorably sweet carissa from kissed a frog (and on twitter) thinks i'm full of sunshine :D i didn't have the heart to tell her she had the wrong s-word ;) (ps i mean shit) thanks, carissa!

the rules:

1. thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them

2. tell us something about yourself

3. nominate 10 other bloggers and

4. let them know that you awarded them!

so i'm gonna cheat a little bit... pretend like the above video fulfills #2 ;)

my nominations (some new and some old faves):

ria @ & that's the way life goes
erini @ adorkable me
ash @ breathing through chaos
emily @ emily jane
jenn @ bottle the crazy
heather @ heather-n-company
mandy @ knowing the difference
lauryn @ laureality
amy @ life's journey with a smile
stephany @ stephany writes

ah! i hate picking only 10. i love all you lovely, bloggers! don't forget to check out my other loves [a work in progress]

spring fever week10

2011-06-06T12:00:00.106-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help achieve your goals?
What did you do this past week to make you feel good about yourself?
With two full weeks left in the challenge, what goals are you making your priority?
Summer is just around the corner, which season do you find the easiest to accomplish goals?
Fun Question: What do you miss most about being a kid?

question 1: (1) totally on track all week :) although, i still feel parched ALL the time (2) weighed twice over the weekend, getting my new baseline numbers. more about that below (3) another bad week since i was recovering from the move. i hope getting out of bed will be easier this week (4) i'm behind on my to do list, but i started cleaning finally. i need to tackle two items each day to finish cleaning this week. i also need to get those recipes on cards. must. stop. letting. things. pile up. so they aren't so problematic in the future (5) well everything's updated. miscellaneous fun isn't looking pretty though. i went over last month, and i'm already over for this month. good thing i always have extra money floating around for these situations (6) i didn't pull anything for this week, but i have supplies leftover from the last round. i'm making up my own cheese sauces in order to use up stuff before it goes bad. the shells with mascarpone and parm weren't bad, but definitely missing something. i was surprised how thick the sauce was yet the consistency didn't change as it cooled. might try less mascarpone though so it's a bit thinner. i didn't bake the pasta so i'm not sure how it'd hold up in the oven

question 2: setup my new scale and used it for the first time. all my numbers (fat, water, muscle and bone mass) are within normal ranges (take that, wii!), and i've identified areas i want to improve. i also made a new tracking spreadsheet to monitor my progress :) feeding my spreadsheet addiction is always fun

question 3: definitely focusing on the schedule and the to do list. i was doing fairly well on both, but have gotten way off track in the last few weeks. i'm starting to think it's because i'm on break from class. i always find it easier to get things done when i have way too many things to do. i'm so backwards :p

question 4: it seems that any semester i'm taking classes would be best for me. so fall and winter. although, this is the first time i've set goals like this so who's to say which season is best. i think for the summer, i'll keep working on my winter and spring goals instead of making new ones. i need to put more effort into the things i've gotten lax about

question 5: the most? i couldn't say. i miss someone paying for me. i miss saturday morning cartoons. i miss summer reading lists. i miss trying to move in with all my friends because their families were inherently awesomer than mine. i miss my daily cloverfield chocolate milk box. i miss having homework that was easy for me and always feeling like a smartypants. i miss playing board games with my sister (i kick her ass in everything)... i just miss being a kid in general i guess :)

via lance ramoth/fotoblur

i also miss running around and through the sprinkler, making mud "bricks" and stretching out on the deck to read a book. once the deck is cleared, maybe i'll spend some time at the parents' this summer :) work on my tan; finish some books ;)

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peace within

2011-06-01T20:07:00.000-04:00

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

my mom sent that yesterday :) a silly chain letter, but something worth sharing for a change

spring fever week9

2011-05-30T12:00:00.078-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help achieve your goals?
What did you do this past week to make you feel good about yourself?
What is your ultimate fitness goal in life?
Do you have something you'd like to accomplish but think you can't?
Fun Question: Do you wear perfume/cologne? If so what kind?

question 1: (1) with all the moving, i got my waters in easily (except for yesterday). i didn't make the best food choices though. can't win them all :p LOTS of cleaning and lifting and carrying should balance it though *fingers crossed* (2) i weighed myself on wed. i gained a little over a pound, but i'm still within my goal range :) (3) shaky completion. i'm counting friday as a complete. i worked from home, but i had the work laptop booted before 9am (4) i'm getting lots of MKN (that's our firm) stuff done, but not much else. i didn't do a single bit of cleaning at my apartment, but spent quite a bit of time cleaning at both jesse's places. karma? (5) budgets are updated. full analysis isn't too bad; still not the balance i would like though. need to get my cards (re)paid off so i can boost my savings. i'm not off track; i'm just greedy ;)

question 2: after whining about the scale i wanted being sold out, i ended up getting it! they randomly popped back in stock on friday, and i snagged the very last one of the restock. so excited! it measures weight, fat, water and muscle. plus it's kinda sleek and sexy...in a scale telling your secrets kind of way... :)

question 3: to just stay active. no matter how many times i get off track, i need to never go back to complete nothingness on the active spectrum. and i don't just mean always taking the stairs instead of elevator :p

question 4: if you asked me this two weeks ago, i don't know if i could've come up with something. i'm pretty sure i can do anything i want to do. however, after getting my grades back for this semester... it's not that i don't think i can get my degree and license. i'm worried that i won't be able to finish in any reasonable amount of time. constant roadblocks keep making me second guess myself, which i hate. i'm going to keep trying; i just don't want to be 35 and still in this program

question 5: i used to but stopped at some point. i have a huge stockpile and recently decided i'm going to start wearing it again. wish i could remember what i've been wearing the last week, but today i'm wearing bath and body works pink grapefruit. one of my faves. i keep that and cucumber melon in my travel bag :)

via we heart it

summer grilling! or just burgers heh. i panini'd some little patties last night that were quite yummy. i'm off to make some more for tonight :D

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wine & love4

2011-05-26T13:50:00.000-04:00

wine & love, hosted by nora :)

reasons my glass is full:

- got my grades back. i. am. not. pleased

- moving (not me) cause it sucks balls. at least the place isn't mega faraway from the current place

- continued assholery at a company i can't name endured by people i choose not to name in case one of those corporate bitches actually figures out how to use google and the internet machine :p

reasons i'm loving this week:

- my guy's hauled ass last week so work project is on schedule. we could be on to the next stage on tuesday

- our side business got its 2nd client and might be hiring its first employee! now i've got to figure out employment taxes :p

- gonna get the business registered with the state tomorrow, which makes this all really real. SO excited

- the moving? that'd be j. finally found and was approved for an apartment :) no, he's not moving here or any closer (lol that's everyone's favorite question), but we will be packing up and relocating his shiz this weekend

- burgers + pool (new place has an inground!) + boy for the long weekend. that right there is a win :D

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

spring fever week8

2011-05-23T12:00:00.110-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help achieve your goals?
What did you do this past week to make you feel good about yourself?
How do you measure success of your goals?
What is failure to you when it comes to goals?
Fun Question: If you could hop on a plane right now, where would you go?

question 1: the good - (1) i was short a couple days, but most of the week i got in my four glasses (6) mac and cheeses with prosciutto and smoked cheddar. neal liked both; i really liked the proscuitto. yay for fancy macs. unfortunately, fancy is expensive. so i'm changing this goal to every three weeks rather than every other. the bad - (4) i still haven't finished transferring recipes on to recipe cards, but at least i pulled the last of my recipes from ww. i have so many printed pages littering the coffee table right now *sigh* think i'll be taking the whole stack with me to jesse's this weekend. (5) i WAY overspent on groceries for this week (thanks, fancy mac) so i'll be scavenging the pantry for next week. glad i already bought meat for burgers this weekend. yay grillin! the ugly - (2) i skipped bikram this week. i was exhausted and really didn't want to spend anymore money. i also decided to change this goal. getting a gym membership is out; weighing myself on the regular again is in, starting with this wed. monthly bikram stays (as long as i can afford it) (3) i definitely hit a wall so i'm not fighting it anymore. i don't really need to be at work earlier than 9am so i'm not going to keep beating myself up over being "late". i am still limiting the amount of time i waste on my phone in the mornings. less time on twitter means more time for making breakfast or a slightly longer shower. works for me :)

question 2: i'm mega bummed about this. i was going to buy myself a scale last week, but the one i wanted sold out on amazon. i'd be less concerned if i hadn't spent two days researching every scale they sell. the only place it's available now is at sears for double the cost :( on the :) side of the week, i sent a snippy email to someone who's pissed me off one too many times, and i redyed my hair. my summer red is officially back. might post pictures next week once the color settles in

question 3: many of my goals are ongoing so i focus on consistency. i shoot for 50% completion to start and work on getting closer to 100% as the weeks go by. if i struggle through a goal, i try to reassess instead of giving up. hence the above changes. i'd rather make tweaks than completely give up on something

question 4:dropping them when i have absolutely no excuse for doing so or not making a plan to get back on track. for example, there's no reason i can't workout. yet i haven't done it consistently in weeks. that's a fail. i know i need to get back on track; i know i can get back on track. i just haven't done it

question 5: first thought, joplin mo to help with clean up. screw all these terrible, recent natural disasters. there's actually an infographic detailing the best and worst zones for natural disasters. north dakota seemed to be the only US state with zero disasters... second thought, anywhere outside of the US. i need a break from the political bigotry, religious propaganda and general asshatery of this country. we're not the only ones, but at least i can go about being a tourist, ignoring all the ugly parts of other countries

via tumblr

i'm spending a long weekend at jesse's for memorial day, but it won't be enough. it's never enough. i need a real vacation... take me anywhere. i need out

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the freebie five

2011-05-19T22:48:00.000-04:00

hahah i love when bloggy friends get silly inspirations. you're getting two posts in one day (cue shocked gasps) because this had to be done. not that jesse and i have ever discussed this. and i'm pretty sure i wouldn't actually act on it. but here, for your ogling pleasure, are my freebie five :) (thanks for the clip link and post idea, amy! i miss friends, too... i should also thank hutch for first putting the thought in my head back in january)

1. brandon boyd - my heart will always swoon over a man who can sing. he's lost a bit of weight recently, but i'd still tap that

via

2. sean connery - the original james bond, he's been knighted and he's aged wonderfully. something about the arch of his eyebrow...

via

3. patrick stewart - i love accents, what of it? he may only play a captain and a professor, but he's a real knight and a fantastic looking bald man

via

4. tyrese - i mentioned singing men, right? plus he looks like he loves his mama and treats her right (heed mr. t's words!). that is always hot

via

5. elizabeth hurley - i have such a girl crush on ms. hurley; i think she's simply stunning. if i believed homosexuality was a choice, i'd choose her

via

alternates: tyson beckford, cillian murphy in glasses, daniel dae kim, barack obama and devon sawa (for my 13 year old self)

not sure i'd laminate this list, but i don't really see it changing very much in the near future ;) who makes your cut?

wine & love3

2011-05-19T15:23:00.001-04:00

welcome back to nora's wine & love series :) last week was just too atrocious for one post

reasons my glass is full:

- the entirety of last week's suckage. we're moving past it

- firefox4 not wanting to play nice with gmail. if i have gmail open too long, the whole browser has a seizure

- grades not being posted yet. i'm trying not to freak out, but i'm FREAKING OUT

- losing some of my healthy eating mojo. now that i need to eat to maintain, not lose, i don't know what to eat. i'm still meal planning, but i haven't found the right balance between too much and too little quite yet

- twiddling my thumbs and getting concerned about delays on this project because the guys are in training this week. the deadline involves clients and security audits so we can't move the end date

reasons i'm loving this week:

- the easy, breezy (beautiful cover girl?) calmness of this week. such a relief to my nerves

- getting approved to work from home once a week during the summer, starting tomorrow :D

- i got the max extra credit in research methods, which will, i hope, make up for any dumbassery on the final

- exciting events this weekend! juli's graduating (finally!) from her graduate program, and i'm going to witness the magical moment. then wine in the woods with neal and his parents plus juli's graduation party on saturday

- having the time to get some business things sorted during work downtime. lol all we need to do is make a final decision on the firm's name so i can pull the trigger on all these forms. right now, that's our biggest issue so i think we're doing pretty darn well :)

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

hard to say

2011-05-17T09:46:00.000-04:00

a post i've tossed around for nearly a year, and it's still hard to put all of what i feel into words...

"Life without memory is no life at all... Our memory is our coherence, our reason, our feeling, even our action." Luis Bunuel

some days i want to run away to my grandma's house. curl up in my mom's old bed. load up on ice cream from the "secret" fridge. laugh while the washer dances across the kitchen. eat peppermints from the china cabinet. wonder if she's ever actually fired that shotgun

but then i remember my grandma doesn't live there anymore. the house has been sold. everything has been given away, thrown away or boxed up for "when we have time" to go through them. we drove by the street she used to live on, the street my mom grew up on, and i felt a twinge. excitement followed by great sadness. my grandma doesn't live there anymore...

"But a man does not consist of memory alone. He has feeling, will, sensibilities, moral being-matters of which neuropsychology cannot speak." - AR Luria quoted in Sacks

and my 100 year old grandma doesn't always recognize me. her me-chelle is not 27. she can't identify us immediately on a good day or at all on a bad one. christmas was a bad day; last saturday was moderately better. if you remind her of things, she knows. she laughs and that mischievous sparkle returns. my granny is one sassy lady not to be messed with. she's a shrunken version of herself, but she's still in there. she wasn't the most coherent, but she still had her little comments. her face is still so expressive. i know she's still in there, but i also know she's fading

"but if he has lost a self-himself-he cannot know it, because he is no longer there to know it." - Sacks

she doesn't remember my growing up. and i don't remember her growing old. i saw a sprint commercial about a 100 year old getting birthday wishes from the internets, and i wanted to reach through the tv to throttle her. i don't believe for a second she's 100. she's more like my 80something year old auntie. my family is not the picture of health, but my granny has outlived a lot of people, including that nut jack lalanne. she doesn't have alzheimer's or dementia. she's not bedridden or on oxygen. she has health concerns, but nothing that's going to kill her. however, i have a very hard time believing these 100 year old people who end up on the tv. no one is that healthy after living a century

she had a cough on saturday, and i was terrified this was it. i'm still scared that it's going to be soon. pretty much, i think that every time will be the last time... i probably wouldn't be as freaked out if we saw her more frequently. once a year is not enough, but it's all we can manage. in just five months, she's changed so much it seems. all of it makes me so incredibly sad

today is officially her 100th birthday. i hope the universe doesn't feel tempted to take her just yet. whenever the universe is ready, i ask only that it be quick and painless, preferably in her sleep. my grandma lived a hard life; she shouldn't have to endure a hard death

grandma, happy birthday. thank you for everything. i love you - mimi

spring fever week7

2011-05-16T12:00:00.117-04:00

since blogger had it's fuck up, my week 6 post was removed. if you're reading me in a reader, it's still there, but you can't actually link to it to comment. sorry if you tried linking from amy since the link is now broken. i'm so furious with blogger right now

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help achieve your goals?
What did you do this past week to make you feel good about yourself?
When you go away on vacation or business do your goals get put on hold/pause or do you continue to work on them while away?
Do you have friends/family members that you work on a goal(s) with? Do you find working towards a goal with someone easier or more challenging?
Fun Question: What is your favourite magazine to read?

question 1: (1) even with the stumbles, i'm plugging away at getting in my water. i even spent 20 minutes the other night melting ice to make sure i got in enough. was melting ice only because i refuse to pay $2 for bottled water from hotels :p today starts four per day, which is less daunting than when i started. one down, working on glasses two and three (water bottle). should get number four when i get home from work :) (2) i still haven't decided how i'm going to change this goal, but i did jack last week. must. get. back. on. track (3) my impromptu PA trip plus mega exhaustion from stress equal fail. this is the last week for this goal as it is now. may revamp it over the weekend *sigh* (4) i need to get on my recipe condensing, but business research is going well. i'm getting almost two chapters read a day in this book (5) doing pretty well with the budget. came in right on target on groceries and under on gas. just need to watch the miscellaneous expenses (as usual) (6) loved doni's mema mac, but i'm still trying other recipes. pulled two from food network to whip up this weekend. one has proscuitto in it; the other uses smoked cheddar and mascarpone. we're getting fancy up in here :)

question 2: saved my own sanity a bit by applying the brakes on the emotional rollercoaster, requested (and was approved) to work from home once a week through the summer and spent sunday being totally lazy, guilt free

question 3: the only thing i put on hold is working out. staying with family means constant interruptions, staying in hotels leads to no motivation and visiting friends are usually super quick trips. i try to still make healthy food choices and drink more water than other stuff. i try not to overspend any preset limits. any other goals (like cooking) get rescheduled to compensate for the time i'll be away

question 4: huh. i'm all about the buddy system, but i don't have a buddy for any of my current (or previous winter warrior) goals. fitness goals are much easier with a buddy because there's always someone to talk you out of your own excuses. neal has suggested evening walks together, which i more or less vetoed. it's always fun cause we can catch up and such. i just hate walking outside. and julia wants to restart our gym dates. i immediately was on board, and then i remembered gyms cost money. if only she were moving to our apartment complex; we have two fitness centers on site... hmmm seems i need a buddy to talk me in to being a good buddy

question 5: the only magazine i read is food network, except my subscription expired. didn't see the "hey, renew me" note so i've missed out on the last few months. need to get on that soon; i miss it

via we heart it

this will be me for the next few nights, reading about business or reading comics. either way, i'll be happy :)

{follow my progress and all the weekly questions}

we climb

2011-05-13T14:33:00.000-04:00

shit did not go well. i think i did well on my finals, but i don't know if i did well enough to get off the chopping block. one of my work projects (the icky huge one) got pulled off my plate, but will be replaced with other craziness. jesse's situation... is far worse than i could have imagined. let's focus on that last one cause i need to process. it's too much to explain the whole debacle, and it's really not my story to tell. what i can say is that tuesday happened, and i did my best to redirect his focus afterwards. not that the whole thing went against us (yes, us, even though it's his hell) because his family is dumb as bricks, but the big main important thing did. we're going to deal with it. wednesday was all about putting out fires, which i'm good at. unfortunately, there were a few more explosions yesterday. and i lost it. after our business meeting, neal and i ended up talking until 2am. mostly, me talking and crying. i'm so stressed and worried, but i don't want to put that back on jesse. he's still dealing with his own emotions. because i am who i am, i was focusing on his emotions, too, instead of thinking about myself. i rarely think about my emotional well being in the midst of a crisis; that's why i'm good in the midst of a crisis. but this is too much.

being reminded that i cannot save people by taking on their problems as my own... helpful and annoying. i've already placed a limit on what i can do. not that jesse has asked for anything beyond that limit or that i think he will. it's a limit on myself. because i want to just make it all go away, which is not really what anyone needs in the long run. after that talk, i'm exhausted as hell. not just because i only got five hours of sleep, but because i'm emotionally drained. i don't have much left in me to offer at the moment. however i still have a bit of determination left. as i've said a couple times in the last week: you have to have hope; hope drives determination. i still have a bit of hope that this is not forever. it's hard to see right now, but i know it will get better. it won't happen today. it won't happen tomorrow. but deep down, i know it will change. we just need to survive the next two weeks. and even though my emotional resources are tapped, i know that all is not forsaken. but with that determination came a bit more anger

i'm angry with jesse for being the world's doormat and allowing some of this shit to happen repeatedly. i'm angry because he doesn't always do what he says he will in order to make things better, even minimally

i'm furious with scott for being a dillhole and taking advantage of jesse's weaknesses. i wish every horrible thing ever to befall him in the near future

and i'm angry with myself for trying to live jesse's life for him. i''m not much better than anyone else because i steamroll right over him when i think he's doing it wrong. i don't listen as much as i should, and i often refuse to accept his constraints. i have high expectations, but sometimes they're excessive. i honestly forget that he's not me and i'm not him

i do believe that jesse is better than he gives himself credit. i do believe that he can make any change that he wants with enough time and support. i do believe that our lives today will not be our lives forever. i wouldn't be with him if i thought otherwise. it won't happen overnight, but it will happen. he has me, and i'm fucking hardheaded and spoiled. baby gets what baby wants? no fucking duh. i don't know if we've hit bottom yet because the floor keeps dropping out. i've decided i don't care about bottom. if this isn't bottom, i'm not waiting around for it to be bottom. today is the first day. now, we climb

side projects

2011-05-06T13:20:00.000-04:00

i'm bored. it's friday. i'm way less hungover than when i started this day (oh my cinco de mayo at 27 does not look so pretty). the shared printer is fucked up so i can't print my class notes to start reviewing. i have nada to do at work because my project is, shock of all shocks, on hold. we need to regroup since corporate security got looped in, and they're useless. bossman wants to meet, but he's been in other meetings all week. i'm going to be out monday and tuesday; he has meetings all of wednesday. so maybe we'll have a chance to chat thursday? *shrug* it is what it is. unfortunately, that means i get to be bored out of my skull at the moment. so i'm going to share some exciting news

i'm training to be a CFO. yes, Chief Financial Officer, of a for real company... well the company isn't exactly officially real quite yet, but it's going to be soonish. my life goals haven't changed, but i'm helping neal realize one of his life goals. for now, it's just a side hustle, but it definitely won't be one forever. we're still fleshing things out so i don't want to discuss too many details. but i have SO much research to do. all about monies! figuring out budgets, billing and benefits. love love love it! it's disgusting how excited i am about all of this :) seriously. who actually gets excited about business taxes?!

oh! oh oh! [via]

yea. totally me ;) neal's getting books; i'm putting a list together of brains to pick. we're also picking out friends for specific tasks. i guess that's another fun thing with starting your own business. you get to pay your talented friends to be their awesome selves... ha as i jot more notes because there are SO many things to think about. no longer bored; i have things to start doing :)

wine & love2

2011-05-05T11:01:00.000-04:00

another installment of nora's wine & love series. thursday is the perfect day for this, too :)

reasons my glass is full:

- DC parking garages that have out of order credit card machines and force me to valet park for double what i wanted to pay

- drama from jesse's family. as he put it, they're "vindictive, stupid and cut throat". after next week, i hope we never have to deal with any of those assholes again

- still freaking out over my grades and bringing up my gpa out of necessity, not vanity. i think i'm poised to make it happen, but i could fuck it up with these finals. plus we have seven assignments, including extra credit and participation, between two classes that haven't been graded yet

- waking up at 6am, but falling back asleep at 730. waking up again an hour later, which is 15 minutes after when i wanted to be leaving the house, still needing to shower and eat breakfast. fun morning

- feeling broke the first week of every month because my biggest bills get paid that week (and the week prior). i budget everything so tightly to not create a tempting excess of funds in my favor. so there are a few days that i freak out about potential overdrafts. having my back up credit card denied doesn't help (misread the budget, and thought i had more available than i did. my bad)

reasons i'm loving this week:

- my counseling prof letting me take the final early so i can support jesse. i'm not as worried about this final so moving it isn't causing extra stress

- getting to see jesse next week, even though the circumstances are totally fucked up. twice in one month makes my heart happy

-packages! my bathing suit, wellies, cardigans and planner pages all came in this week. it was almost like christmas!

-it's cinco de mayo. i have no plans other than studying and watching arrested development. i haven't ruled out having drinks at home though :)

- it's a beautiful day, and i'm leaving work a little early. i have to pick up stuff from campus (blech), but i'll get to drive with the windows down. my favorite

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

ps - may have led everyone to believe i'm almost done with grad school on my previous wine & love. oops! i meant i'll be done with this semester; i still have another couple years before i'm totally done with school :)

spring fever week5

2011-05-02T12:00:00.116-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
What did you do this past week to make you feel good about yourself?
It's May! What were your victories in April? Challenges?
Do you have any plans for the challenge in May?
Fun Question: What is your favourite type of ethnic cuisine?

question 1: (1) kept my glass and water bottle full :) i was actually so parched on tuesday that i drank two full water bottles worth of water! sunday was a bit more of a struggle since i didn't walk or play wii like intended (3) not an easy week, but i still got out on time more often than not. i'm calling it a victory (4) i switched around my to do list to compensate for weekends away. so this weekend had a lot of filing, two years worth of documents. i really need to stop falling behind. it took me eleven hours to get through it all. luckily, i had skins s3 and arrested development s1 to keep me company :) i have one stack left to sort, and one stack to shred (5) i came in under budget on gas (thanks for the tank, neal), groceries and miscellaneous charges. so what did i do? i spent some more money. i'm still under, but the cushion isn't as nice :p getting creative with the groceries was definitely interesting and time consuming (6) i pulled two recipes from doniree that i am really looking forward to trying. jesse found one from the food network that included egg and mustard. ve-to

question 2: i bought myself issues 1-8 of amory wars: iksse3. can't wait to read them! next i'll have to track down sstb vol 1-2, the revamp. i have the originals with the first illustrator. i'm debating if i'll also pick up good apollo since it was a single issue, not sure how it fits in the story. so glad comics aren't expensive compared to other stuff i spend money on :)

question 3: i'm surprised that i managed to cross every item off my list last month. getting my water in is moderately easier overall, but there are still days i have to force myself to remember to finish. it's not that i'm not thirsty, i just don't think about it until later in the day. i really need to work on that these next two weeks. it will not be pleasant if i have to choke down four glasses at once right before bed :p also completing my to do list is a bit hard. i'm still not making time (or setting aside enough time) to get things done by their deadlines. i usually end up needing a couple extra days, which is why i had to put deadlines on everything in the first place. nothing was getting done because i kept putting them off

question 4: i'm not taking a class this summer (woot!) so i'll have evenings free to play some games, read some books and make my way through my netflix queue. i can also put more energy in to meeting these goals. i'm stepping it up a notch mid-month: increasing water and bumping up my "get out of the house" time. i'll also have more time to work through my crazy to do list. i'm actually looking forward to it

question 5: love love love asian foods. chinese, japanese, thai or indian. i want it all :) one order of drunken noodles, chicken & broccoli, sushi and naan please [random aside: i wonder if people in other countries categorize american as "ethnic" food]

via food network

happy early cinco de mayo :) dunno if i'll be celebrating on thursday, but i do have plans out on friday. yay margaritas!

{follow my progress and all the weekly questions}

wine & love1

2011-04-28T22:26:00.001-04:00

nora started this wonderful meme, and i felt compelled to join in today :)

reasons my glass is full:

- there are only two weeks left of class, which includes three major assignments, one exam and two finals. starting to freak out

- work meetings scheduled at the precise time i wanted to have open for last minute cramming. should've blocked it out on the calendar...

- alabama and other parts of the south. will the earth ever get a reprieve?

- the insane rains the east coast have been getting. luckily, my part of maryland isn't flooded

- this whole obama birther nonsense. put on your hoods and find a cross to burn; we all know you're just racist assholes

reasons i'm loving this week:

- there are only two weeks left of class; i can smell freedom!

- twitter and blog friends, in general, all day everyday

- this post touched my heart, and made me cry at work. you don't have to spend 24 grand like some of us (giant arrow over this girl) to help someone. you just have to be there

- attempts to make neal snort his water with my nonsense. not sure if mission was accomplished cause i was tweeting him from bed

- leaving weight watchers 67.8 pounds lighter than i started. i'm still digesting that accomplishment...

so what has you reaching for that second glass (in frustration or celebration)?

spring fever week4

2011-04-25T12:00:00.203-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
What did you do this past week to make you feel good about yourself?
_____________________ comes naturally to me.
_____________________does not come naturally to me.
I wish _____________________ came naturally to me.
Fun Question: What is your favourite Easter candy? Are you allowing yourself some this year?

question 1: (1) i'm up to three glasses per day, which means one in the morning and my water bottle the rest of the day. this is way easier than i thought it'd be (2) i went to yoga on saturday. my muscles are still mad, but i got a couple tips on how to make some postures easier on my knees. i'm glad i went to get my sweat on (3) also not a struggle. i missed my 830 deadline on wed by a few minutes, but i'm still counting it as a success. this week will be the true test cause i'm gonna be super exhausted (thanks, uterus) (4) i didn't have a specific task for this week, but i did manage to get my old shredding done. one less thing to worry about when i start going through my filing. this week will be all about copying recipes on to cards (5) i actually managed to do this! came in under on both my gas and grocery budgets this week. that being said, i'm so glad the month ends this week so i can have a fresh pool o' monies (6) this was a disappointment. i tried two weight watchers recipes and was impressed by neither. i still can't decide if i want to tweak them or completely nix them

question 2: i had talked myself out of yoga because of the budget. well, then i talked myself back in to it because i decided the expense was worth it. driving in to the district isn't ideal, but i really like the studio and the instructors. plus they have the cheapest classes and multiple pass option. $170 for 10 classes i have to use in two months or $150 for 10 classes i can use over a year? yea, bikram isn't that special to me. i don't plan to drop a grand for a year's worth of classes, most of which would be wasted. this way, i can go once a month as a little treat to myself. heh who would've thought of sweaty balls bikram yoga as a treat? especially for someone like me who thinks yoga is woo woo nonsense :p after yoga, i went to old navy to peruse their sale. i came home with yoga clothes and new sweaters. one of those sweaters... i only grabbed it because it was in clearance, even though it's a small. what could i lose by trying it on? i was shocked and pleased when it actually fit. two years ago i was admitting that i needed XL tops and 16 jeans. today, i'm strutting the town in S/M and 8/9 jeans :D that was definitely an ego boost

question 3: singing :) i'm no great soloist (singing in front of people TERR I FIES me), but i love singing. rocking out in the car, belting out drunken karaoke or humming along to adele while shopping at old navy. some days i have to stop myself from singing out loud at my cube :)

question 4: admitting when i'm wrong. obviously, no one likes being wrong, but it makes me twitchy. it's double frustrating when i am wrong, but i don't know/accept it until way after the heated discussion occurred. i always feel like more of an idiot saying "oh hey, by the way, that conversation we had two weeks ago? i was wrong about x. sorry for getting all up in your grill" cause i think a) the other person has forgotten or b) the other person didn't really care. but i can't just let it go. i randomly think about instances when i was wrong and how the conversation should have gone. i'm talking years later, people. that's the kind of nut i am

question 5: engaging offline as easily as i engage online. i dread meeting new people. every insecurity i've ever had comes bubbling to the surface when i'm forced in to a situation with all new people. i spend far too much time worrying about saying the right things and not being an asshole, even though i am an asshole. oddly, i actually have a filter online (except when it comes to swearing) and triple check things before posting them. i don't have that luxury face to face, which is super scary. i have a list of bloggers i would love love love to meet, which equal parts excites and terrifies me. i swear i am the same person; i just don't know how to behave in public

question 6: cadbury eggs! caramel is my favorite, and i will definitely be enjoying the ones mom got me. yea, i'm 27 and still get an easter basket. haven't we had this conversation before? ;) usually, we get a cute little basket with card, trinkets and candies. unfortunately, this year (like christmas) was short on funds. no big to me as long as i get my damn eggs. sudoku puzzles, desk decoration and a four pack off eggs (in a gigantic victoria's secret bag hahah) were just fine to me. won't lie, i was disappointed in the lack of card. i'm the unreligious child so mom gets creative with the card giving. those little things amuse me. at least there's always next year :)

via tumblr

i bought a new bikini over the weekend :D i get a new one every two years, but had the urge to go off cycle this year. the top is plum; the bottom is eggplant. it shipped today, and i'm super excited. bring on the beach! (no, i don't let belly flub prevent my two piece awesomeness :p)

{follow my progress and all the weekly questions}

spring fever week3

2011-04-18T12:00:00.164-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
What did you do this past week to make you feel good about yourself?
Are your SFC goals your ultimate goals or steps to your ultimate goals? Do you find it easier to set big goals or do you like making mini-goals?
What are some of your ultimate goals, things on your bucket list?
Fun Question: If you could achieve only one more thing in your life, what would it be?

question 1: (1) water bottle and workouts to the rescue! weekdays were no problem again. however, unlike last weekend, this weekend was a breeze. i had two good workouts, and i always down a glass after working out. plus i finally had my last session for class. i filled up my water bottle beforehand since i use it as a method to slow myself down. i have a tendency to speak before fully thinking through what i want to say. i drank almost half by the time we were done with the session and review :) (3) it's getting easier to get up and out, even with my wed shift. i still haven't decided if i'm going to keep my late wed though. i like morning workouts, but i won't have a need to work so late starting in may (no more weight watchers meetings). i have contemplated more morning workouts, but i don't want to fiddle with the schedule too much just yet (4) i needed an extra day cause i'm laaazy, but i finally got my comps backed up. scratch that off the list :D (5) well i came in underbudget on gas, but went overbudget on groceries. so i changed my sunday plans to avoid also going over on my misc expenditures. not an easy or fun choice (6) i decided on two weight watchers recipes to try, and was all set to make them... then i just didn't feel like it. no big since, technically, i would've been a week ahead of my mac schedule

question 2: as much as it sucked, deciding to not take myself out for dinner, which would've come with complimentary dessert *sigh* my priorities are saving, and staying on budget is key to that. i keep thinking back to friday. because of my aggressive and obsessive saving, i would actually save more than necessary on two goals. i opted to recalculate both goals so that i can start contributing to one that's been on hold for months, my emergency fund. this fund is now my "i'm not working spring 2013" money so i'm double excited to restart it. i also started assessing other goals, which led to the creation of a brand new goal. i'm seriously not joking when i say i'm obsessed with saving and SmartyPig. knowing that i can pay for grad school without another student loan is one of the best things in the world :)

question 3: these are, mostly, steps towards ultimate goals. i used to set big goals, but never accomplished them. either because i didn't think about the steps it would take to get there or because i was too overwhelmed to implement anything. being on weight watchers forced me to look at incremental changes instead. my ultimate goal was to stay/get healthy, which broke down to eat healthy, workout and be mindful. those broke down in to more specific goals that i'm now using routinely. i am a giant leaps kind of person, but taking smaller steps has gotten me more successfully to my end point

question 4: good question! i'm never quite sure how to answer :) my life goals are not necessarily what i would consider bucket list items... i want to get married, buy a house, have babies and get a dog. i want to open my own counseling practice. i want to travel to europe, especially ireland. i want to really learn russian and american sign language. i want to retire to a cute little cottage in the "middle of nowhere" that still has awesome internet service and cell reception. i want to be able to leave money to my favorite organizations, charities and schools when i die. i want to get more tattoos... ok that last one isn't really an ultimate goal. i'm just really excited about getting more tattoos :) getting the first probably would've counted as a bucket list item. let's replace it with i want to read every book on the banned book list

question 5: financial independence. i don't want to live my entire life relying on loans and credit to pay for myself and my family. i don't want to end up like my parents who struggle every month to make sure that bills and expenses can be covered for everyone from my grandmother to my sister. i don't want to live paycheck to paycheck, having to decide if i'm going to pay the electricity or buy food for the week. i don't want to leave this world having to stick someone else with the bill... of course, this assumes i only accomplish one thing and then die immediately. cause nothing will hold me back from achieving all of my goals ;)

via we heart it

this is probably self explanatory :) i am a lot of things, but i am always me

{follow my progress and all the weekly questions}

spring fever week2

2011-04-11T12:00:00.164-04:00

this week's questions:

{This will be a weekly question} What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
{This will also be a weekly question} What did you do this past week to make you feel good about yourself?
Is your mindset future-oriented or living in the now? How does this impact you when you are working towards a goal?
Is there someone in your {real} life that inspires you to strive for the best?
Fun Question of the Week: Do you read blogs on the individual websites or via Google Reader?

question 1: (1) i filled up my water bottle at work and made sure to finish it before bed. must get on finishing before leaving work... the weekend was way harder. i brought my water bottle home, but didn't use it. i struggled, but managed to get my two glasses in both days (3) dunno how i did it, but i got myself out of the house every single morning by 830. i readjusted this goal to ultimately get back on my 8-5 schedule since i'm pretty sure i didn't get the job. s'ok, countdown to 12/31/2012 has begun; i'm updating my calendar as we speak :p (4) i only had a few items, but i've given each one a two week time frame for completion. i put the tasks on my google calendar, wrote them in my planner and added then to my task manager app on my phone (which put reminders on my calendar, too). it. is. on, to do list! i also added my spring fever goals so that i can cross things off every day :) (5) budget's been updated, and i'm already close to going over. i decided to limit the amount of eating out i do, including starbucks trips, after this week. i'm excluding this week only because i have freebies for my birthday. i won't be going to any concerts or happy hours until the semester is done. i also won't be stalking items on etsy and amazon for awhile after that *sigh* it's worth the sacrifices, but it still makes me a little sad (6) i mentioned last week that the first mac batch was completed with mixed reviews. i'll be eating the last of it (with chili powder and breadcrumbs) this week. i've already pulled recipes for the next round, but i'm not sure how i want to tackle it. i do know for sure i am never making a box of kraft ever again

question 2: i... didn't do anything. i skipped my workouts because of meetings, class assignments and stress. i haven't touched my 3DS or kindle for the same reason. no netflix, no jonathan strange, no mega bubble bath with wine. i cleared out about 600+ posts in my google reader, but that just made me feel guilty. i was supposed to be working on my transcription the entire time... i guess not weighing in at weight watchers is the closest i'll get

question 3: i guess i'd have to say future oriented. i love making plans and thinking about things way down the road. i don't have trouble focusing on the present, but i think having a future goal keeps me motivated to keep working on the here and now. i like having goals to strive for and knowing that i have control over where i'm headed

question 4: i think it's weird to say, but... myself. i want to be the best person i can be because i believe we should all work towards becoming our best selves. my best self changes as i grow, which is why/how i know i'm not quite complete. something internal keeps me motivated, and the people i surround myself with keep me supported

question 5: when i'm actually reading blogs on the regular, google reader. i like leaving comments, too, so i do click over. i'm reprioritizing my follows though. some of my faves have gone to partial RSS feeds, which sucks balls. i'm not clicking through 30 times when i've fallen behind. i'll skim the first five partials to see if there's anything worth opening, but the rest get marked as read. i do feel a wee guilty, but only for a few minutes. i simply don't have the time these days

via we heart it

i've taken to scrolling through the random images of we heart it a few days a week. i'm thinking of planning a trip to king's dominion this summer, which this photo reminded me of this morning. i LOVE roller coasters :)

{follow my progress and all the weekly questions}

swagalicious

2011-04-08T00:39:00.000-04:00

27 looks a lot like 26 so far; it's just sleepier :p this year was WAY better than last year. seems like i've gone a million years without a drama filled birthday. i set my expectations super low for these people, and, for once, they lived up to things

i kicked off the weekend with a day off work. i raced around thurs evening because i didn't want to have to leave the apartment at all on fri. picked up packages, groceries and cupcakes on my way home. then i piddled around til the wee hours just because i could. naturally, i slept in on fri. then i ordered in thai food (sooo yummy) and started cooking. just cause it was my birfday doesn't mean i was going totally off my usual routine. jesse took the day off, too, and was gonna come down in the afternoon. unfortunately, he got stuck in traffic nearly the entire way here. at least we were able to have dinner together at dinner time :)

sat, i had to pop over to weis for some forgotten items. then i made the first round of baked macs. erin came over early before we rolled off to the bowling alley. so excited to see her, and really itching to see jess and heather now. miss my girls so much! for my friends celebration, i decided bowling was the thing to do. the awesome: alley is right around the corner from us. the unawesome: it decided to hail the second we went out the door. it was insane! and only lasted that five minutes we were in the car. super weird. i got to see more of my favorite people, had a beer + two cupcakes and got my ass handed to me lol. i am awesome at wii bowling so i kinda forgot how much i sucked at real bowling. neal won; jesse and cait were neck and neck most of the game. it was an amusing afternoon. i invited peeps over to the apartment afterward for more catching up and being silly. i didn't realize how much bowling had taken out of me though. i hate to say it, but i kinda wish i had told people to just go home :p i went from 100 to -10 on the energy scale super fast. it was fabulous spending time with everyone though. i can't wait to throw a summer shindig! i'll make sure to nap before the fun begins ;) we headed to bed shortly after the last guest left. my sister and her best friend (who's birthday was sat) called at exactly midnight to wish me a happy birthday. drunk fools :p it was sweet though, even if i was super exhausted

sun (dun dun dunnnnn) was the family birthday outing. i opted for brunch at a place stace recommended and invited neal, too. can't go anywheres without my entourage ;) it was a good brunch, even though stace kept trying to eat off my plate. any other day, i would've conceded (baby sister's are the worst :p), but i wanted my whole muffin dammit. no bites for her! that girl seriously needs to travel with snacks; she's ALWAYS hungry. it was nice to have my two favorite boys along, but part of me is still sad my brother couldn't be there. it's still weird that he can't come to things because his schedule is dictated by someone else. after eating, i quickly opened my gifts...

you know all this build up was just to talk about my new swag, right? what? i like stuff :)

erin is hilarious; she gave me my xmas gift for my birthday since she never mailed it. super cute ornament from hallmark. love it! briah also got me something... cupcakes! they were delicious and went fast on sat. i tortured poor jesse by not opening his gift until sun. neal's thing is blowing out a candle; mine is opening gifts. these things must occur on the day of actual birth. otherwise, they don't count. or something... so i brought the box with me to brunch. mom also brought the gift from her and the old man. i had sent mom, jesse and neal a link to my gamestop wishlist last month since all i really wanted were games. unfortunately, there was some weird error that gamestop still hasn't fixed. so mom got me a giftcard, which she put in a large bag. i totally thought there was more, but it was just a lot of tissue paper. i also got two hallmark cards (one mushy, one funny). then i opened jesse's gift. a kindle with books already loaded :) he even drew me a silly picture to illustrate how he kinda lost a fight with some tape while trying to wrap the box. so cute. i'm still not 100% sold on ereaders, but will happily use this gift. i think i was most excited that he actually checked my goodreads list for books i wanted to read. he put so much thought into it, which was super sweet. someone knows how to make a girl feel loved *swoon*

we headed home shortly thereafter, where my little 3DS was waiting. toys r us was giving me heart palpitations all week, but UPS/USPS managed to get my new toy in early and in one piece. i think jesse was just as excited as i was to open the box hahah. he didn't believe i could wait three extra days to open it, but i did. i take gifts very seriously :p i immediately created miis for both of us. then i played face raiders. then i whipped out the AR cards. i took random pictures of nintendo characters in 3d, and i played two AR games. unfortunately, i killed the battery (i was too excited to full charge ooops). so i plugged it in and immediately went back to the kindle. i spent the next couple hours looking through the user guide and trying to figure out how to read blogs. i can't wait til their web app is fully functional. i would love to be able to read and comment on my fave blogs on my commutes to class, but right now, that's cumbersome

then neal rolled out his gifts. from my amazon wishlist: the training day soundtrack and sailor moon sailor stars, from my gamestop wishlist (which i totally forgot i'd added, but my bestie knows me so damn well and just got it): alice in wonderland and, lastly, strong bad's cool game for attractive people (super awesome find!). seriously impressed by both my boys :) at that point, it was most certainly naptime. jesse and i crawled into bed, while neal started dinner. cause one of his other gifts was dinner and dessert (holy crap, i'm spoiled!). unfortunately for him, he underestimated the difficulty. fortunately for me, i got a birthday quickie. there was even time to spare so we stayed in bed with our handhelds. hahah 3DS for me; PSP for jesse. it was worth the wait, too. i think dinner turned out quite nicely, and the cupcakes neal picked were super good. after dinner, we watched legion

overall, it was a great day to end a fantastic weekend. not just because of my new nerdy stuff. i'm genuinely happy i could spend time with some of the important people in my life :)

spring fever week1

2011-04-04T12:48:00.001-04:00

this week's questions:

What are your goals for the Spring Fever Challenge?
Why did you choose them?
What is your plan of action to make them happen?
What does this challenge mean to you?
Fun Question of the Week: Let's get to know each other! What is something most people (er... fellow bloggers) don't know about you?

questions 1-3:
1. drink more water. i'm only getting two glasses a day (if even that) so i'm gonna work my way up to four to five, depending on how much milk i drink. i use my water bottle at work, but i've gotten lax about when i fill it. my hope is to fill it first thing in the morning, and finish by lunch. then refill it at lunch, and finish by end of day. i usually have a glass with breakfast or before bed so that'll be the odd one out (water bottle = two glasses)

2. stick with new workouts. i'm going to get a gym membership so i can keep taking classes. i'm also getting a yoga pass for monthly bikram sessions. i like working out at home, but i'm starting to get bored. plus my body is starting to get used to the routines. sooo i'm hoping to take a few gym classes to keep me on my toes. i'm not big on yoga, but bikram would definitely benefit my flexibility. i'm starting to lose it, which makes me sad

3. change morning routine. part of the reason it's hard to get to work on time is i waste way too much time in the morning. i need to stop spending two hours in bed scrolling through twitter :p mini goals include: no twitter before shower, no non-phone tech before work (i'll be posting about my new tech later :)) and phone is only for checking important emails before work. everything else waits until post-shower or in the office. first hour at work will be for checking all email (work and personal) and twitter

4. knock out to do list. i have a list with no deadlines that is growing instead of shrinking. i hate looking at it, but never clearing things off. i'm giving everything deadlines to start getting shit done before it drives me completely bonkers. my life is full of lists, but everything is meaningless when i never do anything listed

5.stop overspending my budget! even though my overall budget has been affected minimally, subbudgets are all wonky. i need to get on top of this so i can stay on track with my savings and debt reduction plan. mini goals include: reduction of eating out (even starbucks runs), no use of credit cards (except as necessary for gas and groceries), no unplanned non-essential purchases and no fiddling with the numbers to make it work. i have everything mapped out, but following through 100% hasn't been my strong point. i have so many attainable goals, and i need to stop sabotaging myself

6. so jesse has yet to have a homemade baked mac and cheese that tops some restaurant's. i obviously can't have that so i've decided i'm going to create something better. there will be a lot of mac eating in the next few weeks, you know, for research purposes ;) i tried one recipe over the weekend. it was good, but i'm not loving that it's base is kraft deluxe. i used to LOVE kraft mac, but they're "cheese" tastes awful to me now. maybe next batch will be amy's based. it's jesse's favorite mac and cheese, and it's way more natural tasting*

question 4: the winter wonderland challenge helped me really focus on areas i wanted to improve, and i'm hoping the spring fever challenge does the same. i don't know why, but i do so much better when the word challenge is involved :p it's a competition with myself i guess

question 5: great question :) this is random, but came up over the weekend: i'm left handed. one of my best friends completely forgot this, and there are people i see on a regular basis who've never noticed. it always makes me laugh (and annoys me a smidge) when people i've known for years, out of nowhere act all surprised that i'm a lefty. been one my whole life lol. i write so little these days, but i love my leftiness. i have decent handwriting, too :p

it's kinda silly, but my pos pic is my ramekin. i bought some to make mini macs, and i love them already. they're perfectly sized for single portions (proper portions, not the ridiculousness you think is a portion). i ordered them from amazon, two cobalt and two plum, after mandy revealed her fiestaware addiction. i want to use them for everything now!

{follow my progress and all the weekly questions}

*challenge within a challenge ;) this will be an ongoing, for fun kind of goal

heart skips

2011-04-01T03:26:00.002-04:00

hunting

2011-03-30T18:18:00.000-04:00

so i've had two job interviews recently. one last week, one today. two totally different positions and organizations. and both interview requests came in after i decided i was putting the hunt on hold. i'm still miserable, but it was pointed out to me (thanks, tasha!) that i already have a pretty solid end date. applying to positions i may not want would just mean potentially suffering through another two years of yuck. and really, i only care about the next two years... actually, 20 months to be exact... which is how long i have left to get my master's. i decided last night that my new financial goal is to not work during my post grad licensing semester. i'd have two classes (3 if the schedule gods love me) plus my 3rd semester of practicum. at most, i'd do something part time. so it's not really necessary for me to put myself through hell sending out all those apps for jobs i don't love

so last week's interview was for a business manager position at a local theater. love the space, and i really do miss working in the theater. i wouldn't be tearing down sets or rolling my eyes at actors, but i'd still be involved in things. my potential boss seems like a pleasant enough woman, but i can tell she has her difficult moments. the board president is adorably mother hen. i know i don't have the specific experience they're looking for, but i have a lot of related experience. i absolutely believe i could rock that job if given the opportunity. it's also located near a few of the DC spots i visited last week during dc fit week. work followed by bikram yoga or boot camp? feasible. though it may be awhile before i hear back about the position because things are a bit harried at the moment...

today's interview was for an administrative assistant at a startup. there's potential to grow in the role, possibly taking on responsibilities similar to the ones i'm supposed to have now. the owner and her (unofficial) partner seem like fantastic coworkers; i think i would adore working with them. the atmosphere is professional, but still laid back. the office is cute and comes with adorable mascots. it was a very informal interview, but one of my favorites. [sidebar: one of the things i picked up from last semester was how terrible interviews are at predicting job success. they're really only good for determining if a person's personality is a good fit for the company] the position would involve a lot of data entry and task management (little phone interaction? yay!), which i'm awesome at. the hours would be flexible, and i would be able to work from home when necessary. even though it seems like a step back, i really would like this position. i love what the business stands for, the atmosphere and the job potential. it's also situated near my new favorite part of dc. things are swampy so they're hoping to move fast, which means i could hear back on this before i hear back on the business manager...

of course, i've already played with my budget numbers as much as i could. i don't know what the business manager role would pay (or if i could adjust the hours to fit my class schedule... really wishing i'd asked that now), but i know what my ask will be. with the admin position, i know the hours, and they know my needs. as it's only part time, i wouldn't be quitting my current job outright. however, cutting my current hours plus picking up hours at the new place seems doable. just need to justify it to the bossman i guess. for now i'm playing the waiting game... while also dodging calls from my old temp agency. submitting my updated resume was not the best idea. they have positions, but everything's on a specific timeline. i really need longer term right now to keep up with the life i've created... even though i took a step back, i'm wiggling my toes back in. please keep your fingers crossed, everyone. mama needs a new happy place

warriors week13

2011-03-28T11:00:00.006-04:00

well friends, this is it. the end of the winter wonderland warriors challenge. did the last few weeks fly by or is it just me? so what the hell happened over the course of this challenge?

goals:

eat more fruits and veggies (five servings per day)
cook more; use pantry stock
work out more, consistently (three times per week)
lose last 7.2 pounds; complete six weeks of maintenance
keep in touch by writing letters
read for fun more
blog regularly
work harder on grad school
stay on budget
get back on regular work schedule

assessment: surprisingly, i did quite well! i've found a solution for getting in my fruits and veggies, which also became a part of my cooking more goal. i picked out at least two recipes every week to try. if there wasn't a veggie included, i made sure to add one. i ate a lot of broccoli, peppers and green beans :) i also made a decent dent in the pantry stock; neal even started making quinoa on a regular basis to help out. things are getting a tad better every day :) the letter writing didn't go as well as i liked, but i did try to keep it up with those who wrote back. my budget was also a bit shaky. i reassessed to make sure all was going smoothly, but i went a little bit over in some areas this month. it all balances out, but next week is going to be tight... reading, working out and blogging were not as consistent as i would have liked. partially because of schedule issues, partially because of motivation issues. i'm still working on both factors... the remaining goals (dropping final 7.2, being a better student, being a better employee) were my worst three. my weight loss has been bouncing all over the place. i don't know what to expect week to week, which is more frustrating than anything else. days i expect to be up, i'm down. days i expect to be down, i'm up. best part? in either direction, it's always more than a pound. i'd be less perturbed if the increments were small, but gaining 2.4 is a kick in the face. i remind you that i used to average net gains of one pound per month before weight watchers. so when i gain one pound in a week, it's a big deal for me. i've been doing better with homework towards the end of the challenge. it helps that i'm working to keep the As i have already earned. can't fuck it up! conversely, the work schedule has tapered off as the challenge wound down. thanks to all kinds of shit and my own laziness, the last three weeks have seen me late more days than not. i think i've fully adjusted, sleepwise, to DST. i just need to find the morning motivation to get out of bed. spring goal: no checking twitter before work? maybe

final question: Do you feel like you had a productive winter? yes :) i realigned my priorities, and got shit done for a change. i really think this challenge was the kick in the ass i've been needing for a lot of things. i am SO excited for the spring fever challenge. i don't know why, but having challenges is always my best motivator. i should probably get on goal setting now... i hope those of you who also participated had a successful 13 weeks. for those who didn't, i hope you had a good regular winter :)

via we heart it

{i can't wait for it to be warmer so i can enjoy some iced chai lattes}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

[crossposted]

orly O.o

2011-03-26T15:27:00.001-04:00

it has come to my attention that i am boring. ok maybe J didn't say that exactly, but that was the implication. he got a boyfriend fail as such. i have been busy with school, friend dates, weekends with said boy, interviews and more school. i have very little to say over here besides "i'm effing busy". don't think i haven't noticed my traffic has decreased. i check my analytics every friday :p i'm also not hanging around 20SB where i used to tool around looking for new blogs and new followers. seeing as i follow ALL of these blogs (plus some i haven't yet added), i really shouldn't be scouring for more. i can barely keep up as it is! i am doing the best i can to maintain what little i have. i'm not looking to grow for the sake of growth. i'm not looking to entertain the internets. i simply want to share the shit that rolls through my brain when it's long enough for a proper post. (want the play by play of my nonsense? then you should be following me on twitter) sorry i'm not sorry for being a blog slacker. if you don't like it, you don't have to read me. that goes for you, too, babydoll

yes, i'm irritated by the "it's all those winter challenge posts. is that what your blog is now?" comment. while i don't really like posting just those and videos, that's all i have in me right now. you're lucky i don't turn this in to a meme-a-palooza just to have posts several times a week. my goal is two posts a week, and even that has been a struggle the last month. i already gave J the business, but those comments are still stinging. so i'm getting this off my chest and out of my brain space. i like having the followers i have. i like making blog/twitter friends even more. however, i don't blog for you. i have never blogged for you. if that's a problem? again, you can show yourself the proverbial door

/rant

mine to hold

2011-03-24T11:11:00.001-04:00

go on

warriors week12

2011-03-21T11:52:00.037-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help achieve your goals?
With one week left, what is your plan?
What was the highlight of your week?
Did you have a down point? If so, how did you push past it?
Fun Question of the Week: What's your favourite television show from the past? Presently?

question 1: i was able to read two chapters of jonathan strange thanks to pre-break downtime. unfortunately, daylight savings screwed up my circadian rhythm so i was late to work all week. also made me extra grumpy in the mornings. blogging was kinda on hold, but i managed to get posts up on all of them lol

question 2: just gonna keep doing what i'm doing. i might have to bust my ass a bit more to get to work on time, but everything else is going smoothly. i know if i keep working on it, i can eventually get back to where i was two years ago

question 3: getting an interview request and spending the weekend with my honey :) especially getting to cook, watch movies and lounge around with jesse. so needed that weekend

question 4: several. i usually wallow for a couple days. then move on. during those couple days, i do get a ton of support from my online and offline peeps, which is a huge help. without them, i'd probably quit after a few setbacks

question 5: i don't have one favorite cause i love tv lol. awesome shows i could watch on endless repeat: buffy, say yes to the dress, sex and the city, community, pete and pete, the closer...

{all my refunds came in so roomie road trip has been fully funded! now we just need some plans so i can spend my money :)}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

lift yourself

2011-03-17T12:03:00.000-04:00

i dare you...

believe

2011-03-16T12:49:00.000-04:00

normally, i hate chain emails, but this one wasn't terrible. the below snippet was a good reminder on a crappy day

"life is too short to wake up with regrets,
so love the people who treat you right.
love the ones who don't just because you can.
believe everything happens for a reason.
if you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
if it changes your life, let it."

warriors week11

2011-03-14T11:52:00.070-04:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
There are two weeks left in this challenge – what goals are you making priority?
Many people are on or heading into Spring Break right now, do you find it easier or harder to stay on track when your routine disappears?
Tell us something positive about this challenge. Could be something that happened to you, you did, you realized…etc.
Fun Question of the Week: The clocks sprung forward this weekend, does the time change mess you up or do you just go on like nothing happened?

question 1: all i can say is ugh. i got my letters out and was at work on time three straight days. however, all my time and brain power was consumed by homework. two two hour meetings, transcription, reading and studying to be done. guess how much actually got done *sigh* plus i didn't have the energy to really blog. i'm putting that goal on hold because things are just going to get worse. i can't even work out plans with my girls because every weekend is booked for someone through the end of may. huge bummer, but there may be skype dates in our future. i'm gonna skype date everyone at this point :p

question 2: it hit me, as i opened this post, how truly close to the end it is. and my heart skipped an unhappy beat. in the next two (and more) weeks, school is definitely going to be the focus. i have pretty much opted to put finding a new job on the back burner for now. i don't have the time or mental capacity to apply and interview. plus i'm sick of being asked the same damn questions in the same system by six different positions that won't let me just save my answers to be used in subsequent applications. straight A's don't earn themselves so homework takes top priority. blogging and work (non)shiz can wait

question 3: mine is next week, and i am gonna flounder a bit. i always do. even my free time has a designated slot in the schedule because i suck at going with the flow. not having homework is gonna throw me off my game. so i might be a nerd and work ahead... well, let's be honest. i'll be playing catch up if i do anything at all. i like structure, but i'm also lazy. hence "do your homework" being a goal in the first place :p plus i still have work so it won't be a full break. that might keep me a bit more on track than a full vacation though...

question 4: i've altered my thinking in regards to scheduling my time, and i managed to stay on task for the most part. i still go off the rails when i'm stressed, but i beat myself up about it less. i can still get my stuff done, enjoy other things and not think i'm a failure at life

question 5: it makes me very grouchy for the first week or so. i'm three for three on bad sleep habits, but i'm hoping it's all normal by the end of spring break. i hate oversleeping and waking up with headaches

via we heart it

{spring is my fave time of year. i don't care for all the extra sun (seriously, i'd rather be a vampire. it burns my poor little eyeballs), but i love new blooms. one day i'm gonna have a glorious garden filled with tiger lilies}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

warriors week10

2011-03-07T11:52:00.087-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
New month! How are you feeling with the end of the challenge coming up soon?
What would you change differently about this challenge for the Spring Fever Challenge beginning soon?
What have you learned about yourself during this challenge (or past few months)?
Fun Question of the Week: Do you enter contests? Have you ever won one?

question 1: i finally got letters to respond to, including one that i thought had been lost in the mail. i so love real mail; response letters go out tomorrow :) it was a rough(ish) week so i had plenty to blog about. i'm feeling less tumultuous now that i've expressed some of my concerns and my period is on the horizon. i seriously hate when i'm this emotional. it really is mostly hormones, but i know it can freak people out. i appreciate all the concern from y'all. if some serious shit goes down, it's wonderful knowing i have so many people to turn to <3 ...rapid fire responses on everything else. read another chapter of jonathan strange (yippee!), fell behind on my blog faves (boo), got through a couple chapters for class (yay) and was on time most of the week(woohoo!). lastly, my budget looks absolutely insane at the moment. thanks, bonus, VA and tax refunds. you're making my bank quite happy. and later this week, you'll be making my smarty pig even happier. i'll have to relook at everything in a couple weeks since my merit increase and updated tax withholdings just went into effect

question 2: it's so weeeird that the challenge is ending soon. i don't know if this year is flying by or if that damn feb is still throwing me off. i am already thinking about what new goals to take on, but hadn't really thought about how soon they'd start :)

question 3: besides perhaps not having a specific number of goals, there's nothing i can think of to change :)

question 4: that i'm horribly whiney? just kidding. i already knew that :p i think this challenge (and my class stuff) has made me realize how poorly i stick to my plans. i have a schedule for everything, but i'm not good at sticking to them. which wouldn't be terrible, except i end up ignoring important things entirely. which, of course, stresses me out because they are things i really need to be doing (for class or my sanity). i'm trying hard to get back in to the groove because i know how much better it makes me feel

question 5: of course! who doesn't like a giveaway? silly people, that's who :p i enter plenty of blog giveaways, online contests and raffles in hopes of winning. i've won a couple blog contests, a trivia contest and a contest i'm not sure how to classify (and my response was never posted so i don't even remember what i said :p). i've never won a raffle, but i keep my hopes up for that car my dad's organization gives away every year

via milk your money

{here's to having a decent financial buffer}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

let go

2011-03-04T00:05:00.000-05:00

sometimes you just need to release it into the universe. doesn't matter what it is; you just gotta let go. i didn't realize how much was wrapped up in my ball of it until tonight

every week in basic counseling we have a lab exercise to help us get comfortable with all the skills we're learning. there are three additional labs to be completed outside of class. i played client tonight for one of my classmates... the week i am all hormonal. the week i am desperately missing my girls. the week we were reminded of all the upcoming assignments and exams... in case you couldn't tell from my last post, i am uber stressed right now. so when i was thinking about what to talk about in our faux session, freaking out about school bubbled to the forefront. all was going well until i started talking about wanting to balance all the things in my life including my friends. then i started thinking about the girls, who i haven't seen in MONTHS. i almost teared up, but we moved in a different direction. thank god. i really didn't want to put that on him. dude this is just practice; i can't be spilling my crazy all over the place like that. we moved along the time management veins some more, and at one point he asked me how i felt. my response? it makes me want to curl up and cry. which is exactly what i want to do right now. right now for no other reason than to cry. because i just need to let go

do you ever get that feeling?

brain dump

2011-03-02T17:36:00.000-05:00

i am intermittently reckless. maybe some hot pursuit will scratch the itch

some days i have tons of patience. others i just want to move in leaps and bounds. today is one of the latter

i'm overwhelmed by the things i need to accomplish in the next month for grad school

i'm excited to throw myself a birthday party. less so knowing that i will be one step closer to 30

i'm happy about my raise and bonus. the raise was more than i expected because i was at the lowest point of the range

i'm not happy that my raise is throwing off my tax estimates. this is why midyear increases are effing bogus

adele, regina spektor, florence + the machine, marina & the diamonds, eliza doolittle, feist, christina perri and christina aguilera got me through the afternoon. i ridiculously love them... just had to add janelle monae and v v brown. clearly this is a never ending list

i'm dreading tonight's weigh in. i know i gained, and i'm already in a crappy mood

i almost wore a spring dress and my flippy floppies to work. it was a gorgeous day

there were more than 10 items on this list, which made me squirmy. i cut the extras to reduce my already boiling mental distress...

warriors week9

2011-02-28T11:51:00.082-05:00

this week's questions:

What have you done this past week to help you achieve your goals?
Today's the last day of the month - how do you feel you've done in February?
What is your go-to favourite meal to cook? Share the recipe if possible!
Share a quote or saying that is inspiring you today.
Fun Question of the Week: What's your make-up routine? Wear any? Lots? Do you have a must-have?

question 1: welp i got a few blog posts in. yay for timely inspirations :) updating here is definitely the hardest. sometimes i forget i have things to say or forget what i want to say once i open that little "new post" box. i may have more to say as the semester wears on and my job hunt continues. sidebar: perhaps i should start looking at psych related jobs, instead of something just to pay the bills. i like paying my bills, but going back to being a receptionist makes me want to cry. ugh if only i could work part time without losing a huge chunk of income... i've decided to count blog reading as my reading. mostly cause i spend 95% of my life online. i'm working on it. i think going forward, mondays are internet free nights. once i'm home from class, no laptop, no twitter. i'd say no blackberry, but that would rule out txts from J. the last two weeks, i've gone sans laptop. last night was the first of no twitter, and i did pretty ok. only got on to check new replies (yay for notifications). i also scrolled through all the overnight tweets. normally, i read every single tweet since my last check. partly for info; partly in case someone misspelled my username again... work schedule is stabilizing, but my homework schedule is wonked. gotta get back on that ball

question 2: february is my least favorite month cause it's so short *fist shake* as i said to friends yesterday: short feb messed with my paychecks, felt rushed and brought me one step closer to my midlife crisis. do. not like :p although, holls pointed out the silver lining. spring is coming, which means tee shirts, breezy dresses and flip flops :D [on the paychecks, i got paid right, but i didn't realize they split the time periods differently to make the checks equal. curse my non-exemptness]

question 3: i'm teaching myself to like new things, but i'm still a simple girl. give me a big box of kraft mac and cheese (spirals preferred), and i will be happy as a clam

question 4: i don't really have one for today, but one of my life mottos is "make yourself" (thanks brandon boyd/incubus). another is "you hesitate; you die", but this mostly applies to being 17 and convinced you can beat every car on the highway...

question 5: i practically never wear makeup these days. i used to for dance, cheering and special occasions. however, i slowly realized i have zero patience for putting it on or taking it off. it seems like a waste most of the time so i just don't bother :)

via the total bully solution

{because i am currently doing quite well in both my classes despite my lack of consistent reading of material. yay me!}

my progress plus all the weekly questions on skinny (goals 1-4) and desultory (goals 5-10)

we're done here

2011-02-26T22:27:00.000-05:00

some shiz went down while i was out of the office last friday. so monday, i walked in to an already burning building. my favorite. i spent the entire day trying to find "missing" documents and gather information. it's really frustrating when people doubt you; trying to prove that you know your shit is a HUGE pain in the ass. turns out, it was a problem on their end with an easy solution. so i left the office thinking all was well. tuesday afternoon, i got a bunch of recall notices for an email i hadn't yet received. awesome. an email finally came through that once again called in to question stuff that had been done plus a "nevermind, we found the files we needed". whatever. i got another email on thursday. "what we need isn't in the file. we need you to find the document." seriously? i don't give a shit about any of this. this is no longer my fucking problem. I AM NOT HR. if you can't find the fucking records, i can't help you. you are now the record holder; stop harassing me. i ignored the email, and i decided that i was fucking done

so i opened up monster for the first time in about 2.5 years to scour the latest openings. i found a handful, but wasn't able to apply. i could not for the life of me remember my password. i sent three reset requests, but the emails never came through. so i sent a note to customer support. i forwarded myself the openings of interest and closed up shop for the day. luckily, someone at support was able to send me a temp password the next day. i updated my resume and contact info. then i applied. then i popped over to a few temp agency sites to check their openings, and i applied. i also checked some companies i'm interested in for anything, and i applied some more. i'm trying to leave no stone unturned because i'm really hoping to have a new job by april 4th. but i have somewhat difficult constraints and qualifications. most of the positions worth looking at were either way above or way below my qualifications, paid practically nothing and/or had crazy hours. for a minute, i thought about taking a PT night job. except i would never have any fucking time to sleep

midway through temp positions, i remembered how much i hate job searching. *sigh* but i'm going to keep applying. i'm really hoping for one particular position because the hours and pay would be perfect for me. since the job with neal's company is looking less and less likely, this would be the next best thing. i had also applied for a position similar to the one neal wanted to create, but i got an email yesterday that the position is on hold. boo. it was also a solid contender

i am over being miserable 40 hours a week. keep your fingers crossed that something works out for me... or, you know, hire me to be your overpaid personal assistant. i also do windows ;)